First foot note: My title for this week’s blog is a show tune composed by Irving Berlin for the 1946 Broadway musical Annie Get Your Gun. The song is a duet, with one male singer and one female singer attempting to outdo each other in increasingly complex tasks.
Gary and I were browsing one of the many china shops in Nellies. We love the Christmas season, especially me. Not for the reasons that you may be thinking dear reader – not the gifts at all – the whole Christmas spirit – the Christmas vibe – even with temperatures in late 30s early 40’s and Santa’s dressed for the snow whilst we are wearing the least amount of clothing acceptable for Christmas day. (Cozzis and sarongs!)
So it would seem albeit I am so proud of my Santa collection, I don’t (cant find) any photos of them so herewith one of the sketches I drew (copy of the photo pasted next to the sketch)
I (we) have the most amazing collection of Santa’s and so our house, at Christmas is a Christmas delight. (Well, we think so!) Funny the other day Gary and I were pondering as to how much our little collection would be worth. We have spent a fortune through the years, and as morbid as this is going to sound, we were wondering, if we were (well, one day we will) so when we pass away would the boys treasure our Christmas collection as we do? Our Santa collection ranges from my UK trip to many trips to the Santa shop in Dullstroom which has since closed. I remember being in awe of a totally Christmas shop in London aptly called 25th December. I was in Christmas Heaven the day we ambled quite by chance into that gorgeous shop. Anyhow digressing already, sjoe Dizabeth! So, we were at the Chinese shop and Gary saw a beautiful table centre piece. He fell in love and wanted to buy it right there and then. Now me, I (chatting to myself) was convinced I could do this. Or something similar. So, we took a photo. Gary with the idea of us coming back soon to purchase it and me with the (silently/secret) idea that I would make one. Damn straight Dizabeth – you got this!!Now when I get an idea, I frikken focus on very little beside “that” until whatever “that” is conquered – by conquered I mean I either rocked at it – or failed dismally and will be visiting whatever shop I was hoping to conquer to buy it! The weekend was set aside, and amongst all the plans we already had in place I started and finished my own Christmas table centre. So, my beloved reader once I had completed it (wooden branches, glue, glitter,ribbon, knick knacks from my art room and spray paint under the nails that didn’t break) I casually (second fib – I frikken bounced through to the lounge like a new born Springbok finding its moms teat!) literally bounced through and showed him. Now Gary isn’t the most – I am damn sure I have mentioned this in a previous BLOG. He is soooooo, soooooo, soooo blady meh with things. He is the same when you give him a gift. So, he didn’t comment, he casually looked it over in fact he didn’t look it over, he just had a very quick glance and then continued with his life. I was a bit (hugely) irritated but knowing that he can be this way I ignored it. So you can imagine my ABSOLUTE delight when later in the weekend, he actually frikken actually, well he well and truly, truly admitted to me that he has been “stumped “ by my creation. “Truthfully I was perplexed as to where you were going to find the sticks – it is amazing babe well done”I know right!!! So now you all know exactly why we are currently experiencing such frikken bizarre weather patterns – yip its all thanks to dear old Gary – who in a roundabout way – admitted defeat!!! Hell yes he did! And I am claiming it and all the accolades that were in his face – he usually is so expressionless and this time he wasn’t! Boiya!! Hmm how do the youngsters say that??? Boija? Ah I can hear Chad calling it out …hope you can too dear reader. It’s such an effective word/term. One very, very small, in fact I am whispering this confession. I was really loving the spray paint – and the thing is – I was working on our verandah. I have since noticed the pot plants – my beloved bonsai – they seeming a bit bleak – I first thought ha it’s the heat – we having temps in mid 30’s to early 40’s….so I watered them, then watered them again. Still, they remained bleak and blady limp! Now on reflecting back (not a word dear reader – not a word please!) I think they could have been fogged – fogged is a flippant word actually – think they were” world war two” (another word perhaps : annilated) bombed with the spray gun – if I think about it – I am quite surprise they aren’t white (snow). Now, dear reader – this shall remain between you and I – and Gary – well he never really needs to know how these pot plants died does he?
A sketch & painting thru the years done by Dizabeth
Besides the set back of my dearest Bonsai I am capital P for passionate about this new venture. Yesterday dearest Pam and I walked – oh brag moment here – we frikken walked 8.07km in 1.44 minutes – I know hey! Frikken brilliant – I have to say I truly love these walks. The time literally walks away (good hey – nice pun!!) Step by step we chitty chat our way across the hood. Privileged I am – truly privileged – thank you Pammie 😊 for the weekly Sunday therapy sessions. (No, no just because I am mentioning you it most certainly does not mean you can bill me!) Another digression Dizabeth! Yesterday, ok both Friday and Saturday night we had the most hectic storms in fact I was thinking about it: these storms are reminiscent of the storms we experienced when we first moved here some fifteen years ago. In fact, as I am typing this – the thunder is boroiling. So back to the Saturday night storm – the wind lashed and lucky for me hoiked up and broke branches off trees – crazy and different seeds were dispersed in the road for Dizabeth to find as she walked the streets of Nellies. So those are all busy drying out before Dizzy lays her hands on that ominous can of spray paint and gives them a new life – that of a Christmas decoration. 😊
Therefore, in conclusion with my table decoration I am going to try and make a little cash dollar by making and selling them. Yikes who knows, this could be the big break for me dear readers. Move over Carol (Boyes) phish I guess we can all dream hey. In fact, if we think about this in reality – once upon a time Carol was a “gewone” (regular) girl – hell so was Ina (Paarman!) Look at me name dropping here and nope I don’t know either of them. 😊
Another frikken digression so there I was on Sunday walking along picking up logs, weedy things that are pretty anything that I could see will be perfectly, prefect for my centre piece. And yes dear reader as you have gathered for those that are in close range (living in the same hood as me) no guessing what your Christmas gift will be! Oh! and by the way – I even got Pammie picking up along the route, she is going to make her own funky Christmas tree! Don’t we frikken rock?
It truly is so rewarding once you have completed whatever it is that you fancy making hey? I get uber chuffed at my creations. Have I told you? When we first moved here – before I became a nine to fiver and joined the working world, I frikken made cushions. I found reams and reams of denim material from God alone knows where -clearly somewhere along the line I planned on making my own skirt – I love those looooong flary ones – I have to say though – looking back – I am damn sure my Housecraft (home economics) teacher would most certainly have agreed with me here – I don’t know what ever possessed me to think I could go so far as to make clothing for myself. Phish that that I have made – oh my word – even the homeless would turn it down – seriously! In matric we made a linen suit – pencil skirt and jacket – now if I recall – well dear reader – on second thoughts I am not going to recall – yes it was that bad! And if, just if I did pass – damn sure it was only because the teacher felt sorry for me – or mind you – a valid point here – perhaps she wasn’t keen on me being in her class the next year if I in fact failed. Remember my recent curtain making episode. Ok so that did turn out way, way more of a success than I anticipated. Those curtains are hanging in my kitchen. But what I did that day – I frikken – YES I REALLY DID MANAGE to do this: I sewed my forefinger. I still have the mark growing out on my nail!!! You don’t even want to know how I got my finger out of that scenario – all I will say – I had to replace the machine’s needle. But quick one back to housecraft lessons at school. I recall when Charmaine and I made a swiss roll – I know I have mentioned this before too! Ours – it was a jam sandwich at the end of the lesson. Did it taste good at least? Shucks doubt it. We all recall my hiffy attack I threw during lockdown when I got the blady flour stuck to my fingers whilst attempting to bake scones and I literally threw the whole thing across the blady kitchen. Those scones – they were lethal weapons – I remember giving one to Meeks (our german shepherd) and she didn’t even eat it. Although during lockdown – thanks to my friend Simone, I tried “Spur” onion rings. Oh my word dear reader these were a frikken major success but, but but!! Gary and I were no speaks (remember I “purposely” broke his beloved TV) so when I served my burger and prize – really, really prize onion rings for dinns that night – he didn’t eat – though Meeks lurrrrved them! I recall I was so, so proud of them I even left them overnight – sure that he would be starving in the morning and relent and tuck in (he didn’t!).
Talking about my failures – scones, linen suits, oh yes my bestest that I fail at – quick digression here – purposely done digression might I add! Directions: – yip I swear I will ask for directions you will take ten minutes giving them to me – for the future – don’t bother as soon as you start with “Ok so you know when you at the first robot……” – dear reader you have well and truly lost me – I always figure “ahhhhh I will find it” – and for the records – I don’t – but thanks to Sheilagh (Google) I do “reach my destination”.
At this point I do need to mention my dearest, dearest bestie Maureen aka third hip – aka Mausie – when she was my boss and gave me work to do. We were in advertising – I was a media buyer. She would instruct me what to do. I would again leave the building. Mausie would count to ten and wait – because I never let her down – and there I would be – entering her office for a second time – to “recap” what it was she was wanting me to do!
So, I was saying my failures – hmmm maybe pet hates could be a description in this instance. When I am making eggs (fried) and I break it into the pan – DON’T dearest little egg yolk – DON’T EVER break …..ohhhh my word I need a frikken therapist when this occurs and people that happen to be in the kitchen – they need to ensure their Medical aid is in order – as they will be hurt! Who does win in this instance? The dogs. I turn those broken little egg yolks into scrambled eggs – oh and my parrot, Roxy (and Ring neck Wally) yip – handy hint dear reader – I learnt it in FAIRLADY – parrots (and ring necks which FAIRLADY didn’t mention) love bland scrambled eggs. No spices – salt is good – and bobs your uncle! No wastage either. Um ok so I was saying, oh yes another mistake that turned into a win! Remember my recent Malva pudding – when I decided even though the box cake directions said add little sachet that was included in the box and I was “hell no I don’t think so” and the peeps asked how did I manage to get the malva so “crispy” ….. sigh sigh. Life with Dizabeth. Last delish food I have seriously well and truly aced and rock at! Biltong – yip started making it when we first arrived here – and if I say so myself – frikken yummy, yummy YUMMO!
My Kitchen curtains I sewed
So in conclusion to the title of this week’s blog – I am not competing with anyone else but dear old Dizabeth’s side kick – aka Elizabeth, Liz, Dizzy Lizzy or as Gary sometimes labels My gift cards “To my bitchin from Hell”. Lets lay your minds to rest – at this stage – yip only at this stage Dizabeth definitely hasn’t any plans on opening her own Home Industries shop ……erm …or does she?
Till next week dear reader stay safe.
Last foot note for this Blog: Last night I watched the last episode of The Block (Season 16) if you haven’t ever given The Block a try – download a season – you will never look back (promise!) anyhow (last digression). One of the couples who were contestants – when they had completed their home in last nights episode and were leaving the house – next step the house and the other 4 contenstants and their houses, go on auction. The contestants – namely Jimmy & Tam – Tam said “That’s all she wrote…” – those beautiful last words resonated so, so deeply with me – in fact (if I remember) I plan to end each BLOG off with her words (shit wonder is she signed ©for it?? – ah well we soon will find out, as I am, as I say if I remember I am signing out this way each BLOG …..
So my lovelies – take care, stay safe and …..Thats all she wrote.
Mwah mwah
Saving the best for last ….my Christmas table decoration