Last year I tidied up the house, how crazy is it saying “last year” when in fact it was last week! If I am honest it was a quick tidy. In fact, I cannot remember why I tidied – you know putting “things” that were residing on the pool table which is the first (second) thing you see as you step into our house. I know right! But nope we don’t have a games room, nor do we have a separate TV lounge and casual lounge and nope we don’t have a separate dining room. It’s all one gigantic room as you walk through the front door. Anyhow, I put up the Christmas decorations and we all know how obsessed Dizabeth is with that, so she had to have it all tidied and in place – and in that pile of tidying is (positive vibes – I will still find it) my 2021 Diary. And in that Diary are written all my “secrets” (kidding don’t have any secrets, you all know I am a bit ditzy and daft!) But but if I am honest (yes again!) I had written all my passwords in it. I know I hear you shout out loud! “Who frikken writes their passwords in their blady diary?” – well now you know Dizabeth does!
So, it is a bit problematic – ok not hectically – as I do remember the important ones. (No! I will not reveal all if you torture me –actually, I probably would☹) but I am very, very similar to a dog with a bone. I will not rest until I recall where the heck it is! It does worry me as the older I am getting I truly am forgetting the most basic things. I go to the loo – see we need a new loo roll – walk to the linen cupboard (Fibbing again, it’s kept in the spare bathroom!) but for my fancy readers who are also feeling anxious that I don’t have a separate room per room I thought I would say that! The problem with being like a dog with a bone and living this life of being Dizabeth I frikken cannot let it go. I am CONSTANTLY thinking ha let me check there – and so far, all the “there’s” I have checked – nothing! Nada! Zilch! I also feel it’s now become more of a challenge – my brain has to recall where the frikken hell it is! What’s the bet’s as soon as I give up my search I will find it and it will be in the most prominent, logical place and I will think “ah of course I put it here!” the most frustrating for me is I can recall as clear as day seeing it last on that blady pool table.
I have (had) the most amazing wooden ornaments. I don’t really know what they called – but they very, very extremely skinny African men they all are wearing different attire and all have a pith helmet on. I bought them years ago when we were in Zambia, I adore them. Now one Christmas I packed them away to display all my Santas. Ok, so Christmas came and went. The new year rolled on – and months, I mean months later I suddenly noticed they were no longer in their spot. To this day have no idea, none as to where they are. I put them away somewhere “safe” as I have clearly done with the Dearest Diary – and it is never to be seen again.
That is until the day we do pack up and move – frikken hell best I pencil in a month before the month we do move, as I am going to have great delight in finding all this that I have lost! I remember when I worked at The Mercury – who recalls Joe Parker – the comedian? He was brilliant, he would always be at shucks – was it Fathers Moustache at the Beach Hotel? Anyhow I worked with his sister Kim – she would always say: “its not lost its just misplaced” – hm I wonder where this blady land called Misplaced is in my home! We seem to have our own little Bermuda Triangle happening here!
UPDATE: I found the wooden men! They were in an empty drawer – and no the blady diary wasn’t there too! But I will, will WILL find that diary.
Ok so another thing that has seriously, I mean serrrriously gone missing! Who read Blog 22? Who can recall what we chatted about in Blog 22? Can’t recall – well dear reader that’s because there is no Blog 22! And the truth be told. If it wasn’t for my dearest friend Debbie I would never have realized. When she first told me I fobbed it off. “Of course, Dizabeth would never ever have been that dizzy! I will check it out later” – so I did! Yip, there is nada Blog 22. I questioned myself, trawled my documents as there was no way I would have done that! Well dear reader it would appear I could and did do that! So, we will call this blog 22-28 😊.
So today I am asking: “why is it?”
How do flowers open so quickly without anyone witness it actually open? It’s a closed bud then it’s a flower – so often I have experienced my Orchids they have their little closed bud. Next thing I look it’s this exquisite flower. The monkeys were at my house in the last week. I have an Amarylis that was standing tall his, his …. ok I am going to say it. Bets are, we all think it but are polite enough not to say it – so I will dare say it! It looks like a green penis!
I rest my case! Come on dear reader – tell me you DON’T see “it”.
But in defense of the penis – let’s give him praise where praise is due. I personally have the worlds handsomest sons and look at this magnificent flower. I know, I know it wasn’t thanks to “him” but hey this magnificent flower before it bloomed – it was a prize dick.
How gorgeous is this creation? Truly incredible I am sure you agree.
And for those of you that are tut-tuttering now and whispering to yourselves “No!No she has taken the route that most take – the smutty route to keep their audience “I promise I definitely never will. I can assure you this isn’t the year Dizabeth’s blog turns to “smut” – that is not my style. But hey, be honest I have a point above 😊.
So, moving on with the assurance dear reader that Dizzy will not be going to the smut side. We ask – why is it? Your socks. You buy them as a pair, they have that really annoying tag that tags them together when you buy them. That blady tag that isn’t that simple to pull off. You wear them as a set – all good. And that dear reader is the last time or soon to be, last time you see them together. There is always one that disappears – but I mean disappears never to be seen again (bit like my blady diary!)
Why is it? I found a Natal black snake in my garden. Firstly, did he travel here from Natal? Secondly, they are apparently happy in their turf which is garden refuse – but now we didn’t always have that garden refuse – so who the heck let him know that there was enough there to now call it home? Why is it? You always, always only remember you need black refuse bags, toilet paper, toothpaste sugar (sweetner) when you completely, I mean completely out of said item? How many times are you dying to do a quick wee and then remember ah no loo roll, so you have to search for those take away serviettes that you have always kept for “just in case we need them” well there whamo is your just in case situation right there – last loo roll and no one told you it was finished (hmm or did they tell you and you forgot?) Why is it – you see an item all the time (my diary was definitely on the blady pool table!) but when you need that item you cannot remember where you saw it! I started a “Where is it list” the problem with it though – I never remember to write what I have onto the blady list! I know I am going to feel this when I find my diary – but how awesome is that feeling when you find something you thought you had lost. (What immediately springs to mind – when you find a note in your pocket – the higher the amount the more flick flacks you do!) Gary and Chad always – they don’t even start to look for whatever they cannot find, they straight away ask me “Have you seen…?” the interesting thing here is – I have to go and look for it just as they would have to! And when I say “Have you seen…” it falls on deaf blady ears! I remember the day Gary couldn’t find his glasses. Frikken hell he was going ballistic – I literally dropped whatever I was doing to help him find them. Chad of course carried on with whatever he was doing (no doubt playing PlayStation) anyhow eventually I was desperate and asked Chad to join in the glasses search. I will never forget the look on his face – he was so, so deadpan as he looked at Gary and myself and said “Seriously? They on his face ma!”
Why is it when you entertain, and your guests offer to help tidy up you always (well I do) you adamant “No leave it – it’s all good” and then you blady up for ages tidying up after all those helpful hands have left. Let’s be honest – they certainly wouldn’t have offered their help if they didn’t want to. What about when you can only use a black pen – yip you find everything else but that black one! Why is it – when you so looking forward to an event you have a crap time. You made all the effort as you were so excited, chose the perfect outfit – took time ensuring your hair and dress are perfectly perfect – and you end up having a boiled egg and having a truly crap time! (Blog 27) yet when you are dreading going and you don’t make an effort at how you look, you have the best time. That’s also invariably where someone is there happy snapping with their camera and you look like absolute shit in the photo’s they tag you in on the book of face!
And lastly – when you ask the family what they would like for dinner. They all stare at you blankly and reply “ah whatever you make will be good”. So, you go ahead and cook what you think is a good one – and they moan! One thing I do love though – I get to decide every day what I would like that evening – guess that’s the one and only perk of cooking hey😊.
And that dear readers for this week – “is all she wrote”.
I hope the new year is treating you well. Remember keep safe, healthy and always be kind to you.
Till next week – thanks for loving my blog the way you do.
Mwah mwah.