Blog 30: Dizabeth, what were you thinking!

I feel quite lost as to what to talk about today, so let’s see what transpires. This weekend coming Gary and I have signed up (I don’t know what possessed me, as it was my frikken bright idea!) we have been accepted as Honorary Rangers “In training”! I know! I don’t even want to delve too deeply into what frame of mind I was in when I thought this was a good idea! I am literally counting the sleeps – more like the seconds – and no not in excitement – I am so blady worried. I have always said if I was on survivor I would NEVER ever SURVIVE! When we are on conference, I swear to God I am sure the whole team has a secret ZOOM meeting before we start the conference on how not to end up with Liz on your team. I remember we were white water river rafting – we were all told to choose a partner. Well, there stood Liz, stok alleen! I looked forlornly at my team members as they nonchalantly looked the other way whilst casually, ever, ever soooo casually, that it was frikken blatantly obvious – walked in the opposite.  I truly am useless. Actually, if I am honest, I frikken don’t even want me on my team! Survivor – swear I would be voted out the first night. A true Thank you and goodbye! I kid you not! I am – we have a cat – I am very sure I have spoken about her – Fraidy Cat – again yours blady truly named her – why I called her Fraidy Cat – God alone knows. She is literally the least scared cat I have ever known. Perhaps she knew her name already set her off on the wrong footing? She couldn’t do anything about that – but she could show us everyday that she certainly is not a Fraidy Cat and that she does – I would say “daily” is a huge exaggeration – but hmmm can’t say weekly (weakly) nah but often enough she has shown us she is a brave bear – yip she doesn’t even realise she is a cat I reckon! She has caught and killed snakes (one being a Mozambican spitting cobra) – shit now that I want to brag about what she has done in the bravery department my mind has gone blank! Anyhow sure you get the idea dear reader. Her mom (aka me) – not so much in the bravery department. I can be super proactive – hmmm and again – when it suits me, I guess. At the moment I am feeling quite overwhelmed with all that I have dished myself up for 2022! I signed up to do a TEFL course – why I hear you ask – for the simple reason I am not always going to be this spritely, sexy mama that I currently am (nope dear reader I am still the gewone person you met – just joking about being spritely and sexy. But this year – I know a woman never reveals her age – well this one does! I am going to be fifty-nine. Truthfully, I don’t see why it has to be a state secret. My word everyday people look at you and make their own deductions. Ageing is part of life – and I guess Estee Lauder and her tribe can slow the whole process down – as can Botox and face lifts. But my thoughts – what’s the point in delaying the inevitable. I would rather let nature take her course. No, now don’t think I sit out in the sun and bake my body so its leathery and simulates that of a well-worn leather bag that we all love to own, in fact we pay a very high price for “those” tired, old leather but really classy sought-after bags!  I don’t, in fact, I very rarely am in the sun intentionally these days. But I don’t go the Estee Lauder route either (ok, ok truth be told of blady course I would go the Estee Lauder route if I could – my word who wouldn’t – but alas the purse strings are not that long!) so after digressing so, I am really worried about this weekend. Of course, Gary is champing at the bit – so blady excited, we will be doing snare removal. Yip, you read correctly, snare removal. I know! I hear you ask yourself “How the heck is Dizabeth with her hands that are forever getting hand cream smothered all over them – and the same hands that have rubber gloves on them when they wash the dishes! How the heck are they going to cut wire!” And not just wire dear reader. Frikken rusty wired (ok I don’t know if it will be rusty just seen that in the movies!) but there definitely will be sharp barbed wire – oh my giddy aunt!

My creation from all my blood, sweat and nearly tears!

A few months back I did a mosaic course – well thank God (for me) a friend happened to be there and to this day I am forever grateful to her. I thought ah easy peasy after all the pretty glass is there and ready to be stuck on the tray (or whatever you decide to mosaic) – yip you guessed right (hahahahaha) I did a tray. Again, I don’t know what the heck I imagined when I bought the tray – it is sooooo small – you certainly wouldn’t use it to serve someone food on – nope it is now used for the coffee and tea to stand on! So, there I was – Lisa (my life saving buddy) had this hhhhhuuuuuuggggge tray – so we sit all happy with life they bring us a cup of coffee. I am styling – until I am not! The instructor starts by showing us all the tools! Now if someone had said it entails having pliers, and cutters and such, I would have thought twice about attending this course! My experience with mosaic – we were in Dullstroom and there was this little quaint hobby shop. And in the one corner was the mosaic pieces – in lovely convenient little packets – some with a variety of colours – others a particular colour. You could comfortably walk around and choose what you liked the best. You see where I am going with this dear reader? Right, back to the course and the instructor! We have had our coffee and are ready to roll! She says” Ladies in front of you are some cutting pliers, and other tools – on the table are slabs of various coloured glass panes and a mirror…” well, that is when I left the building! No, No not literally dear reader – in my mind. Hell, I had paid R350 to attend this blady course and I could already see my perfectly perfect tray displayed proudly in my house. Hell no, I could do this, and I would do this! Until I swear the trillions of little cuts not to mention the blood – oh my giddy aunt. So once I sorted out my little cuts and stopped the bleeding I enviously watched as the other ladies chipped and chopped their glass panes and mirrors. I gave myself a lecture and started again! Well, the little chips of glass went flying here, there and everywhere whilst my fellow mosaic-ers were ducking for cover from my flying shrapnel. Thank goodness at that point my dear friend Lisa intervened. Let’s just say I finished my tray – but never returned for a second session. (Probably would not have been welcome even if I thought about going back).

So back to the snare weekend. Sigh Sigh! You know we currently having rain but alas this isn’t even one of those where you can hope and pray it rains and the weekend is canceled. Nope these dear readers are dedicated HR’s and a “little” rain most certainly won’t deter them. (In fact, it never blady deters the blady poachers so yeah☹) anyhow so now I am looking at myself and thinking I don’t think it’s going to be the type of weekend where it will be necessary to be wearing my jewelry? Nope I reckon – shucks can you imagine me with these hardened HR’s and me with my blady nail polish, little girly shorts, a pretty off the shoulder top and jewelry. In fact, my boots! They are well worn no denying but in a fashionable way, they Woolies and I cannot see them being suitable for hauling through the thick brush of the Kruger – and them shorts – best I find some old longs to replace those! And that little off the shoulder top – well there goes my theory of never getting sunburnt! I guess it is safe to say I can leave my toe ring on hey. Since I will be wearing boots – yip I guess it’s a safe decision. Ah dear reader I reckon tonight will be a sleepless one before we head off tomorrow arvi. Yikes the butterflies in my tummy right now! “Why the heck is she doing this?” I hear you ask. For so, so, soooooo long Gary’s dream has been to walk through the Kruger, go on those “no entry” roads and explore Kruger not as a Tommy Tourist.  So …. ok Dizabeth – I reckon you got this (phew – well let’s try!)

See what I mean! Gorgeousness personified hey.

Right let’s get back to the leather bag. Did I share this with you dear reader? Last year Gary and I (end of the year so it was my Christmas gift – it was November to be precise) we visited an amazing Orchid farmstall – for my local friends if you have never been you have to pop in there. It is on the freeway to Pretoria/Jozi. Maybe fifteen minutes out of town – it belongs to Urna Stevenson check her out on Facebook you will lurve her farm stall – it is a little quaint white building, beautifully painted with flowers on the walls, a lovely variety of plants and flowers are displayed, and the quaint building is ensconced in this setting. There is a gorgeous coffee shop and the most amazing, gorgeous, simply perfectly perfect little shop with a wide variety of gifts, clothing and that day there were these leather bags! So, I looked at them – they really were cute – cute being the operative word here as they are not my usual style – they are perfect for a cell, a small brush (comb rather actually) and your lippy (Gosh what am I saying it’s been years, y-e-a-r-s since I last wore “lippy”. Lip-ice yip – when I wear lippy well my lips soon are giving the ol’ crocodile huge competition!) Now we all know thus far it’s a wonder I have not required back surgery because of the haversack I tend to carry around. It has EVERYTHING, I mean everything in it (you never know what you may need whilst you at the shops for half a minute!) but now I had decided I am sick of fumbling and searching for things in this said haversack, so I had a little peak and decided they really were gorgeous but wow very, very in fact pricy. Oh yes, also a very important point. As it’s the middle of a Lowveld summer, I have a gorgeous bag (haversack???) its leather (was a gift – a very, very welcome gift😊) so I hoik that on my back – but let me tell you – in the midst of the Lowveld summer I sweat more than any frikken sauna I could ever step into! So that also was a deciding factor in getting the smaller bag. So, I am this amazing little shop looking at these exquisite little bags. I see one and fall instantly in love. Gary has since left me ages back and is sitting “patiently” in the car with the engine running (you see what I mean sitting patiently?) but he sees my face and he knows. He switches off the engine – sits back and says, “Go get it babe.” Then of course I reply “Ah I don’t know hey babe, it’s a lot of money and and and…” as I am opening the car door and stepping towards the shop!

And that dear readers “is all she wrote”.

Thanks for loving my blog the way you do.

Remember, always be kind to YOU.

Mwah mwah

PS: the reason I am doing the TEFL (when I finally frikken start the course!!) so I have something when I retire 😊 those poor, poor kids!