Blog 33: These feet were made for walking.

It amazes me – each time (thus far) I think the blog was “meh” I get the most amazing, exhilarating, stunning comments from you dear reader – thank you! I swear you are the kindest and always and forever encouraging readers I have the pleasure of knowing – I didn’t think the subject matter was much to write home about last blog and so I published it very,very hesitantly. You are the kindest – so thank you. Right…. onto this week.

I went for a Pedi the poor, poor therapist. I know, in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if I lose a few readers after this week and my home truth! But me oh my! In the feet department I certainly wasn’t blessed – but I do need to confess I am also really not one of those that devotes too much time to my feet! I know, I know it’s a shocker BUT …well there really is no excuse. The funny thing though is I have the cheek to flaunt my pretty summer (Woolies) sandals each summer. I do go to the trouble of painting my toes – but hmmm besides that not much effort is put into them – shame considering they carry this hefalump body of mine and have done so for the last fifty eight years they do deserve more love and attention than they are currently receiving. (Sorry for those that are griiiiiiling as you have an image of my crocodile feet!) I definite, definitely ….ok first digression – so I am busy in front of the TV as I type away at this week’s blog and my frikken tablet starts emiting music from it – can you believe it was a frikken phone call coming in from my tablet. (That’s a first, I know I know not so unusual for you dear reader but hey remember this writer is quite IT challenged so really wasn’t expecting my “type writer” to start ringing!) but then even worse I reckon it was a blady scam call as I answer (with Gary literally frothing at the blady mouth because I answered) and some American woman was telling me to Push 1 now to win a R1000 – but you know if she had just said it in a gewone South African accent – and hadn’t kept repeating herself I may just have done as she instructed –but dead give away that accent and the insistence that I push 1 NOW! She lost me and I pushed “end call” instead! Ok so as I was saying my poor therapist – she is the most amazing lady I have been going to her for years – but yip I swear (I daren’t ask her) but bets are she books a therapy session after she has done my feet. Actually I bet when I ring she braces herself before answering and prays this time I will be asking for a mani or a facial or anything but please not a pedi – but of course it is always for a pedi! Now what I tend to do – in fact I do it anytime I am not feeling comfortable – I talk, talk and then talk some more! So not only is the poor woman trying to duck when she trims my nails – but she really, really wishes I would rather hone into the calming music playing in the background than go on and on, jumping from this subject to this and then back to that again – and all because quite frankly I am hugely embarrassed at how truly, truly ugly my blady feet are! So now I hear you asking yourself – then why the heck does she leave her feet for so long. Well it’s – hm what would my excuse be  – time is one and I suppose life itself – before you know it, its Friday again! In all honesty this week – and never mind this week – last week – it flew and next thing I know I am on week two with not publishing the “weakly” blog. So apologies to you dear reader for not publishing last week and sorry my dearest beauty lady for the therapy session you no doubt still recovering from!

As you know dear reader I write this over the course of the week – and truth be told this time I have totally lost the blady plot! What the heck was the subject matter for last week (that I missed!) and am now trying very hard to deliver this week? Oh yes – so mani’s, pedi’s, massages – oh my word sadly for me BOTH a full body and facial – well don’t I talk the hind leg off a blady dinosaur never mind a donkey! Now when it comes to a pedi a totally different …………………..(ok I am also huuuuuuuggggeely distracted I have no idea what the heck I have done but it appears my hubby is no speaks with me sooooooo I am sitting on the patio with my earphones and listening to my favourite golden oldies and this is proving a distraction. Because I keep wanting to sing along – just listened to “Living next door to Alice” and yip I hear you agree – it is definitely in the karokee top 10 and you just really, really have to sing along! So …now “I’’ll meet you at Midnight” is pounding in my ears – so I guess I should actually put the my tablet  away and try again tomorrow!)But nope, Dizabeth is well aware she let last week slide so is she on a “deadline” – sjjoe how dramatic am I! Anyhow back to the pedi – so truth be told I (thanks to my blessed Mama bear if I say so myself I have been blessed with really perfectly, perfectly nails – now I can hear you questioning yourself – ” did she really just say that about herself?” – and yip dear reader I did. Its always been amazing – swear not bragging now – but promise I am not lying when I say I get quite a few compliments often about my nails. So, yes I am fine with them and have no shame, absobladalutely no shame in flaunting them – now the feet, hmm not so much. They seriously need that “professional” assistance that only a beauty therapist can give them. (Promise – especially mine!) Swear if I had lived in the world wars (oh shucks maybe wars are not such a good choice right now what with Russia and UkrainL). Anyhow the point I am trying to make with my feet is they could have let me walk ahead bare foot and be the Landmine Lady in both world wars.  I would step on a landmine and these feet of mine would still be fine after the landmine exploded (I kid you not! – yes I know, the poor, poor therapist but hey she does answer her phone when I phone her!) I guess I really shouldn’t be sharing this with you – but when it comes to the smoothing of the sole of your foot – my therapist has this sander – no  I am NOT kidding – she has the handiest little sander that she uses on my feet. Funny she was telling me (so proof that I am not the only crocodile footed lady out there) that some ladies find it too tickalish so she doesn’t use it – probaly their skin can use the Pumus ( what is it called) anyhow you know that thing I am talking about that black stone thingy that you whoosh along the bottom of your feet!

So once we finally done she finishes off before putting on the nail polish – she massages your feet – okay so both the sander and the massage – ohhhhhh my giddy aunt – this is my heaven – how stunning, I swear its my best – also, what about when you have your hair washed and they do that massage – ahhhhhhhhh my bestest EVER! But then the issue comes in (sorry I am back to my feet again dear reader) – so the whole shanigans is finished (she has booked a therapy session and my feet are perfectly perfect for a couple of weeks at least) and its time to put your sandals back on and leave. Oh yes dear reader – is that not a challenge in itself!!! Slip sliding away – and then on the one or two occasions you cannot just go straight home as you have errands to run. Erm “run” not the appropriate word – but it reminds me – who remembers when you first ice skated – holding onto the side – so worried you were going to fall! Well it’s the same after a pedi with all that cream she massaged onto your feet. And you know in all the years I have never learnt to choose the easiest sandals that don’t allow for the slip sliding episode. Oh yes and what about when she is trying to help you put your sandals back on without smuding the still wet nail polish on  your gorgeous toes! Oh no wait a minute in my case – yes gorgeous finger nails but definitely not gorgeous toes – or toe nails!! So going back to the massages – oh my word – I talk off a whole blady dinosaur torso when it comes to both the face or body massage. Why – hmmm Ijust feel my face – well its not the youngest and its quite veiny – and the body! Well it is a big bloaty floaty one. Now don’t get me wrong – I don’t really have “body issues” but I just know what she probaly does see and compare – maybe not – but ahhhhhh I always feel quite intimidated – what about when you have booked either of the above and as you walk in for said massage the client before is the most gorgeous Miss World look alike! How the heck can you not have blady body issue images?

And that dear reader is about it for this week, I am HUGELY excited as we march toward March – I know its Africa, and I know Africa is hot and if you don’t like it then leave for cooler pastures. (Trust me now dear reader if there was an option for a greener pasture that is COOL I promise I would have pursued it) the heat and my age – they are just not gelling!!! My giddy aunt its wild man. I so, so prefer winter. Those layers that can so, so,soooooo blady be removed – as against this heat – you are (well I am) as naked as the day I was born and still as hot as Haleys. Air conditioning? I hear you ask – in an ideal world and again if I didn’t live in South Africa I no doubt would be able to afford the electric bill that comes with blady air conditioning. However, with the current cost of living in South Africa….okay, okay I am going to sign off now I know I am sounding like a grumpy – grumpasarus old woman.

So on that note dear reader – That is all she wrote.

Apologies for skipping last week. (It was just too hot to publish – Kidding )

Thanks for loving my blog the way you do.

Stay safe, healthy and always be kind to you.

Mwah mwah.