A few weeks ago, we completed our 2nd duty as Kruger HR Applicants so yip you guessed correctly – that’s what we are chatting about today! We have already done the Snaring duty – which you know was rather grueling but lovely people and we will do it again. The huge, frikken hugest downside of the snaring – well, we been told it is totally different in the winter – but those pesky pepper ticks – ohhhhhh my giddy aunt – it is truly the worst ever. Take chicken pox and multiply it by 1000. In fact now that I think about it – you know in the movies – American movies – they always get poison ivy. Perhaps that is what it is – ticks – nah I think I am getting ahead of myself now – this is America the biggest (well for now) nation in the living world I am very, very sure they would know the difference between Pepper ticks and poison ivy so Dizabeth will actually, on second thoughts keep that theory to herself.
You all know how much I enjoy a glass (bottle) of wine. On the Saturday night before the Kruger duty we were invited to friends for a braai. Now I still am wondering what exactly what went wrong – Dizabeth had a ball (as she always does but she also over did the wine – yip – very, extremely unusual for her as you all know) so we had to get up at 4ish… that was AM . So 4am! Well, that was the instruction from Gary however we all know Dizabeth likes to eat all her frogs first – so her to do list was complete; all I had to do was zip up my bag – throw my toothbrush and toothpaste in before I zipped it up – and jump into the car. I snoozed till – no wait man – I am exaggerating hugely. The instruction from Gary was 5am. I lazed in till 5.30 and then dragged myself out of bed. Now before I dragged myself out of bed – when I opened my eyes, I was aware that Dizabeth was not feeling particularly spritely! You know that offish feeling that greenish feeling. Well, that was me! Anyhow so we packed the car, what was so amazing this time is we didn’t need to take camping chairs, food, cooler boxes etc., it was literally us, our booze and our bags. (Yip in that order😊). It was an exceptionally hot (another blady one) day and we had to be at the meeting point in Skakuza by 9am which we did – of course we did Gary was at the helm. By the time we reached our destination I was feeling decidedly green – so you are not going to believe what I did. In fact, I still cannot believe I did this but I did. I ordered a chicken and mushroom pie. Shucks and it had to be the greasiest pie I have had in my entire life, and you know what, all it did was add a few more layers of fat onto my body – it definitely didn’t make me feel any better!
When we got to the hostesses house it was all hands-on deck and let me tell you – that was only the beginning – no I lie. When we arrived, I think she was in the shower and so we chilled in her lounge. Now if I had known just how blady hard I was going to work when she got out that shower, and how I would continue working so blady hard till we left on Wednesday I swear I would have laid down on her comfy couch grabbed the remote and watched a bit of TV. (Nah I know, I wouldn’t have dared do that!) but shucks I would most certainly have appreciated the couch time, as little did, I know but I certainly would not be seeing no couch again until we arrived home on Wednesday. So, when she came through, we started packing the bakkie. And we packed and packed and frikken packed. The concession where we were hosting – it literally is a structure dear reader. There is nothing laid out – you (well our hostess) bring it all with and we literally set up camp – from blady loo paper to dishwash liquid to the fancy foods that we would be cooking for the guests. The lanterns and fairy lights for the dinner table.
To try paint a picture for you – it is like when you move into a new house – there is nothing! And when we left on Wednesday, we left nothing – the next hostess arrives with all her goods and shackles and sets up her camp as she sees fit, as did we. Ok wait a minute – in the kitchen there is the usual kitchen stuff so the only thing that is fully kitted is the kitchen and there is a cupboard with the crockery etc ., but table clothes etc you bring as per the theme you will be setting up as. Another thing to bear in mind whilst you are imagining this empty house – add to that – no power! There is solar but really nothing, I mean n-o-t-h-i-n-g to write home about. No fans, no luxuries. Now for me, why the heck would I want to pay trillions of rands to sweat and toss and turn at night in my room and be on red alert for any Kruger spiders or snakes that may decide my room is a great escape from the heat of the day – why I ask with tears in my eyes. If I was going to spend “that” type of money – believe me, I would want all the bells and whistles – the air conditioning (or a fan at least!) a bed side lamp and PLENTY of ice (we kept running out – we did receive a new supply each day but shucks considering the heat it surely is understandable however some of the men since they would need to use the ice sparingly – well let’s just say they were true Grumpasaruses😊). But in saying that the guests; one couple had landed back in SA on the Friday from overseas, so ja I guess they do live the hob knob life and occasionally decide to slum it like we do everyday to maybe see how we live! (God I wouldn’t even do that – swear if money was no object I would keep it exactly like that – as noooooo object and I would live the life of Riley!) Oh, and the other thing whilst we on the bare necessities of life – there was no wifi. Nothing! So, no contact with the outside world from the Sunday till the Wednesday. Ok so I hear a lot of you saying “Pure bliss” – well I don’t see the point. Although I have to add – because I was extremely, hectically concerned about my specials back in the wifi world. I sent them all a message saying that the mother and father person would be unreachable for the said four days. Now the reality here is – each and everyday of their lives – (they are both far away) so its not like I can jump in my car should the need arise and go to the rescue – so God alone knows why: a) I felt it suddenly necessary to message them b) worry intensely what would they do if they couldn’t reach us. After all everyday they continue with us in Nellies and them in Durban and USA. When we were back in Wifi world I noticed a number of missed calls from Chad my heart skipped a trillion beats – that is until I looked at the whats app messages – and there he had written – after mother dearest had written a book on the family group explaining we would be unreachable etc., there he wrote and only on the blady Wednesday morning nogal! “Ah sorry mom I tried to call you to say hi – and only now just seen your messages that you away.” I know I should be grateful, however I did think – there I had taken the time to write a best seller explaining where we would be and he had missed it! Boys I tell you dear reader! Although in saying that Ryan did reply on the book I wrote – perhaps it’s more a case of where you are in your chapter of life. Chad is carefree and on a great American adventure – Ryan is a papa bear and has chickens to count each day. Hm, I think that is it – the different chapters we are in our book of life.
Ok, back to the camp we go – so we set up camp and awaited the arrival of our guests. They arrived at 3pmish – by then we had worked incredibly hard and had achieved a real at home, welcome to the camp feel. We greeted them enthusiastically albeit all of us resembling walking beetroots because of the intense heat, no electricity – hence no blady fans!
Our day would begin at 5ish (yip AM) setting out their breakfast options. They would arise at 5.30ish grab a quick bite and head off on a morning walk. We would get their teatime treats set out before continuing making whatever was for lunch, followed by 3 o clock teatime, and then dinner. It truly was a never ending – I don’t want to say “slog” but sjoey Louis it was blady hard work. Oh and in between doing the meals, washing ENDLESS dishes we still needed to check the loo’s each morning for loo paper and that all was in order. Hm now we all know – no, maybe we don’t know – but ja I will leave it at that as at the end of the camp we were all assigned packing up duties. Mine dear reader, cleaning the ablutions. I know right!
The very tragic reality is – you will recall last blog I chatted about the pro’s and cons of a Pedi. Well dear reader I had that blady Pedi BEFORE, yip you read correctly, before I went on this four-day grueling duty. So, who saw my “beautiful feet” – no one – by the time we hit the bed at night the last blady thing Gary wanted to see was me – never mind my blady feet! Now whilst we on the subject of Mr Robbertze. Let me tell you! I swear I have never, never, known this person that possessed Gary’s body during these four days. I am not lying when I tell you – the best way to say it is – at home – I don’t know if I have ever shared with you dear readers? But – ahhhh….. yes I have – you will recall the Lockdown blog! Where he literally did Jackshit! I kid you not!!! So, we sign up for this duty and I am needing therapy on the quiet because I am thinking – how the heck – its going to be so embarrassing when the others see how lazy my husband is. And what dear reader occurred? Well, I wish to goodness I had taken a sneak photo or two but since there was no Wifi my phone was on a mini Vacay. He – in fact If I am honest, I do believe the man actually worked harder than me! Yip I swear to you – no kidding. He washed dishes, peeled veggies, stirred food on the stove, made sarmies (ah another story to share with you with regards to the sarmie making ☹) swept, even greeted the guests with their cool facecloths when they returned from a walk or game drive! He was the guardian of the gate,oh and he braaied – he was the Braai Master but that he is at home so that wasn’t really a biggy. The one morning he even checked the ablutions! I asked him when we got home, and he slunk back into his usual sloth self – why he doesn’t continue helping me around the house – he nonchalantly replied: “I don’t know” – I was spitting mad – but I did manage to build a bridge and get over it (not worth wasting energy on something that wont ever change if you love that person I guess!)
Now me being me – of course there was a moment of “yikes” once or twice. I mentioned I needed therapy worrying about my lazy assed hubby – well let me tell you – he definitely needed therapy on returning home! Why I hear you ask? Well on the one day – there were four of us and we did really get on well. But you know how you always have to get one who thinks they the genius of the group? So we making sarmies – now bear in mind – every – every blady Sunday I make sarmies for thirty six under privileged kids and deliver them to a local school and I make sarmies every day for Gary – so we standing in the boiling – kitchen that seriously, no absolutely no exaggeration was hotter than hell and we start off the next duty. Preparing sarmies for the morning walk. I finish washing another load of endless dishes and step up to the work bench and ask “what can I do?” – when my dearest – um what do you call them – I guess your fellow sloggers is apt. We as I mentioned are making the sarmies and she says as she picks up a roll, “well you cut the roll like this” as she cuts it. Now at this stage I am thinking “Um seriously???” but I am also wondering “ok give her the benefit of the doubt as surely, surely the next step will follow” …. Which it does dear reader! She says to me “You take the teaspoon and take a spoon full of the egg mayo”……………..
Well, well, well dear reader! It was at this stage I lost my shit! I bellowed out “You are kidding me ….. you seriously have GOT to be frikken kidding me right?????” as I stood there spitting mad I continued “I frikken make sandwiches every day of my frikken life – I seriously don’t NOT need to be shown that!” – as you can imagine – an awkwardness descended, literally smothering the whole kitchen as the others looked awkwardly away and this deathly silence filled the kitchen! The funny side of it was for the remainder of the duties it became a standing joke: “whatever you do don’t show Dizabeth the bleeding obvious!” I do need to add – I believe Gary literally was praying that the earth opened at that precise moment and swallowed him up. So dear reader, going forward – if ever you feel the need to show me how to make a sarmie – no not even a gourmet sarmie – trust me – DON’T!
Towards the end of last year – Gary spied an amazing special for a night in Kruger. He booked it – I completely forgot about it – last weekend was that amazing night away. It was truly fantastic we were treated like royalty – and having recently completed the duty of hostessing – it was an incredibly welcoming treat. It also was interesting and going forward I will always appreciate the staff who do take care of their guests. I promise to be mindful and be that extra bit more appreciative after experiencing it from the other side. (Especially of the sandwich maker 😊).
And that dear reader is all she wrote.
Thanks for loving my blog the way you do.
Till next time
Stay safe and healthy.
Mwah Mwah