Blog 40 : That was then, this is now

It’s been a while I know, but here I am. Another year older, after celebrating my fifty-nineth birthday early in May. This week I thought we could chat about decisions we made when we were younger and decisions we make now as perhaps, an older, wiser woman (hmm debatable with you Dizabeth?) I have spent quite a bit of time of late when performing everyday activities pondering on the decisions the younger Diz made and the decisions older Diz makes. This morning as I was standing in front of the mirror, I was thinking back on when I was in my twenty’s and applying my make up. How that has changed from all those years back. I used to literally plaster the foundation on – I do still concentrate mainly on my eyes, so not much has changed there but yip me oh my I used to need a paint palette for that foundation I lathered on. Perhaps it did make a difference, and I looked slightly more perfect than I do these days. A photoshop version of what you see these days – perhaps? However, I recall that foundation, it would, as I got older (and if I am totally honest) I doubt I would have changed my make up routine if COVID and our “beloved” masks hadn’t come to play.

Clearly I cloned myself on Alex 0r was it Alec ?

Now I realise the foundation merely enhanced all the wrinkles. Like a 4D scan – all you really saw were the roads on the map of Dizabeth’s face. Now I happily own those lines. (I won’t say “fine” lines as they a little stronger than fine lines) but I will own them. Each and every one of them. Like my grey hairs – the few strands I have – each one of them is so much more than a grey hair – it’s a memory embedded in my heart of various events in my life. Invariably with either Ryan or Chad’s name attached to that particular strand. When both Ryan and Chad finished their school days and packed up and headed off to start the first chapter in their books of life. The heart break I experienced as a mom then, it truly devastated me. I will never forget visiting a school (for work) and Maureen kindly, gently even explaining (she is an older lady) that I would get over ‘this’ and one day when my boys came home for a visit, I would be delighted but just as delighted when their visit was finished. I remember feeling furious and even driving away and placating myself “Shew just because you clearly did not love your children it doesn’t mean the same for me ‘dearest’ Maureen!” and you know, today I say that very thing to younger friends whose kids are finishing off and heading onto their next chapter. She was right. I adore them, but you learn to live your life and I guess maybe even get selfish as you lie on your favourite couch resembling a beached whale clutching the TV remote while watching what you want to watch – because you can – because its only you in the house and you decide. You don’t need to take a back seat as the boys play PlayStation or watch some program that doesn’t appeal to you. In fact, if I am honest I no doubt would be in the kitchen cooking one of their favourite meals.  The interesting fact here ……if I am honest, what the heck was I expecting? For my boys to never grow up …to still be living in their boyhood bedrooms when they were 34?

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Three of my reasons ….. (and yip in that four is number 5 ….my skoon dogter Mich)

Dress style: I have to admit, I was quite excited and re–lived fond memories when I recently noticed leg warmers for sale in Woolies. It instantly took me back – shucks I actually don’t remember what age. I recall I did a Leigh Downing modelling course. I always wore these long, long and really flared skirts with these …. wait for it …. red – yip blady red leg warmers and boots. Ok the boots are still a firm favourite – no man – not that same pair! But yip boots – I still love them! And ALWAYS an oversized jersey with a V back that would conveniently fall off one of my shoulders. In fact, that’s it!!! It was the style of that dancer, Alex in Flashdance. With short always gelled spiky hair! And of course TONS of foundation. I cannot lie – I will admit – when I saw those leg warmers I was so excited and pondered very, very long on whether I should buy them! Then I decided – Dizabeth – let’s try grow old gracefully. Leg warmers on a 59 year old not so much as effective as when I was whatever age it was that Flashdance was the influencer in all young ladies lives! These days, mind you even back in the day – I have ALWAYS loved my coats. In fact, I think back on certain items and wonder where the heck they are in the world now. I recall when Alex and I – no, no dear reader not Alex from Flashdance, my bestie Alex from good old Durban. We moved to Camps Bay. I bought such a beautiful Trench coat. Where in the world is that now? I am obsessed with coats. In fact last year I was super lucky, on the Woolies sale I bought one of those camel ones, with fairly big buttons and its long – you always see it in the movies – in particular in New York – so they were selling for R1500 and at the end of the winter I bought it for ….wait for it! R200 – I know what a scoop hey! Woolworths nogal! And let me tell you that coat – well when I wear it I always gets compliments. I recall it was nearing the end of winter and yours truly – well didn’t she just have to wear it at the mere thought of a cloud forming in the sky! Just an add on at this point –  I remember buying the cutest socks – with each toe having its own space – in fact a foot glove from Smiley Blue boutique. Who remembers Smiley Blue?

So major digression there (again) – who remembers dearest Giovanni from a previous blog? He was the one who would leave a flower in my vespa basket in the morning. I recall one day he said that it was time for a clear out. He felt I wore clothes too big for me (perhaps I was hiding in them😊) and he came across and we went methodically through each and every outfit and he Yes or no’d whether it deserved to go back into the cupboard. I don’t know why I shared this – but it was just a sweet memory that filtered into my thoughts as I tap away at the keyboard!

So, my dress sense, in conclusion. I would say its – hmmm not really off the shoulder stuff – although wait a minute some tops in the summer are off the shoulder numbers? But yip Summer is 99% dresses – winter ALWAYS boots, coats and jerseys – lots of them! Perhaps a tad more mature style than those younger Dizabeth years.

Now the last thing I will compare from then and now – that dreaded word: exercise! Now this goes way back – hmmmm perhaps it started with my sister Karen. When we were younger and still lived in Johannesburg I have an extremely vivid memory of my three-wheeler (otherwise known as a blady Tricyle Diz!)  Karen and her mates being a good few yards ahead of me as I pedal, peda,l pedalled my skinny little legs as I tried to keep up with them on their bicycles. And Karen turning back and yelling at me in her angriest voice (which BTW she just has never had!) to go home. It was super uncool for her having her brat of a sister on her stupid little tricycle trailing behind. But in those younger days at least these was proof, and I have as I mentioned a vivid memory of actually exercising. Fast forward to high school and PE. Miss Turner every week being told by me I had some ailment and that was the reason I could and would not be participating in whatever the exercise was for that PE lesson. Now days I am proud to say, I truly, truly love my walking with my treasured Pammie! Some days we clock up 10kms – mainly because we so, so busy chatting – I love this time I truly do!

And that dear reader is all she wrote. I apologise for the long period that has past without an entry. It’s called Life. I will try not take this long next time – but cannot promise.

Stay well warm and always, ALWAYS be kind to you. Mwah Mwah xxxx