Blog 49: Never have I ever.

When you wish upon a sun filled cloud…..

Although I do have an office, I mostly spend my time on the verandah appreciating the cool summer breeze – I know! Now I am talking absolute BS! The “cool” summer breeze – not! Although I do have to say there is one (a cool summer breeze)  this morning, after a temperature of 38 degrees last Saturday and 36 degrees for three consecutive days during the week – today there really is a cool breeze, and somewhere in the neighbourhood someone has taken to playing their piano – which I cannot lie, I am loving – the tinkle of the ivory’s while a gentle breeze gently tickles the surrounding tall, lush trees their leaves whispering quietly yet comfortingly. My giddy aunt I sound like I am in Bali! Oh no wait the dogs are barking in the neighbourhood back to reality – in my garden in good ol’ SA!

A couple of week’s ago I attended a work function I flew to Johannesburg on the Tuesday afternoon. Now when you fly from our precious little Nellies, you fly with Airlink which in itself is a treat. The planes are tiny, you feel pretty close to your fellow travelers. The plane reminds one of a flying cigar!  It got me thinking whilst we were picking up the necessary speed to take off. The air hostess approached the lady behind me and asked if she was aware she was sitting by the section of the plane that God forbid should we need to evacute, they were the person that would be directing their fellow travelers to safely as we departed the plane for safer seas/land! She asked the passenger with such disinterest whether they would be happy to assist fellow passengers. It got me pondering. Firstly, she didn’t really expect the passenger to say no – let’s be honest would anyone actually say “erm no thanks not for me!” Secondly she went through the whole “in the event of the plane …..” so, so quickly I didn’t get it and I can assure you neither did my fellow passenger, and I know this because once the air hostess had gone I asked her. We decided together we would work it out if the plane did in fact go down! As the plane ascended, I looked at the beauty outside. It had been a cloudy day; a real grey day and it fascinated me how once the plane has ploughed through those clouds there is the sun! Anyhow, it got me thinking how as humans we take so very much for granted! The mere fact that I had boarded the plane, giving Gary a peck on the cheek and saying I will see you on Thursday. And I knew I would be seeing him on Thursday! I had absolutely no doubt of that! But as the plane ascended and we got closer to the sun – I started to chat with the Lord. “Dear Lord, now that I am in this little flying cigar and the clouds and sun are all around me, I, in fact ask you to please protect us and let us fly safely”.  I really got quite deep into my thoughts thinking how we as humans are so confident! We drive everyday and never (well ok maybe it is just me?) but I truly never think when I start my car, oh my giddy aunt I do hope I get there” – nope never do I doubt it. Yet we read of accidents everyday – and air disasters do happen!

Well as you no doubt have gathered, the flight there and back went soundly (Thank you Lord!) I waited for my colleague and together we hauled our luggage, now dear reader I really did have to frikken haul my bag! I had – yes had the cutest fire engine red little case, quite nifty and trendy with her sexy little wheels and handle! That is until Chad was leaving for America and casually asked if I would mind if he borrowed it. Now dear reader at this time we had just crawled out of COVID – well not even COVID rather lockdown, we were all ZOOMING and Teaming and very rarely stepping out of our front door – so I didn’t blink an eyelid – of course you can take my little case my angel! My colleague and I had to walk about fifty-five thousand frikken kms to the Gautrain! I hauled my ass as she very calmly and cooly wheeled her case! Anyhow I made it (but did flook my ‘angel’). I have promised myself to replace this little red case as it is all well and good when I am traveling with Gary, and he casually whips the little cumbersome bag onto his shoulder and has the second one on his other shoulder. It is definitely an entirely different situation when dearest Dizabeth is trying to act nonchalant as she hauls this heavy bloody case whilst quietly promising herself to either replace that  red case OR pack less blady clothing next time, which lets be honest we all know is never going to happen – me pack less clothes – not on my Nelly!

So we arrive at the station bound for Sandton with less than a second to spare. We chuck our cases on the train with us (okay now that I certainly did NOT do, that blady bag if I had chucked it I think it would have been like shot put and I would have most likely also flung myself!) The train is packed with the business peeps heading home – the “regulars” who board this train each day! We huffing and puffing and are quite anxious as we find our seats. We sit and its then that I realise, we are facing the wrong way! So the train has seats – I am not too sure why but there are the occasional seat that is facing the wrong way whilst the majority are facing the direction the train is headed! And of course Dizabeth choses the seat that is not facing the direction we going in. I realise within seconds and say very quietly to my colleague “so right now we are sticking out like true, true Tommy Tourists, however we are not going to move, we are instead going to sit here, oozing confidence and own this – like we knew exsctly what we were doing when we sat here!”  I had no sooner finished telling her this when the wise ass on the other side chirped us about it being our first time on the train and how we wouldn’t know when it was time to get off the train. Well, I very cooly replied I in fact was very well aware of when to get off the blady train and had purposely chosen these seats! I have no doubt, absolutely NO doubt he had a good chuckle and definitely a story to tell over dinner that night!

We arrived at our hotel slightly flustered after the train but not enough for us to look uncool and confident! (We are both confident we should take up a career as actresses after that ordeal). Anyhow so we casually saunter up to the reception to check in. She hands us our “keys” which are these days the key card. Off we again confidently make our way to the lift. We get in the lift, press our floor number (confidently) and are nattering away – and then realise the lift is not going anywhere. Well dear reader I am not going to admit as to the minutes it took – but it was quite awhile – as we irritatedly pushed the floor we were headed for – and nothing happened, the lift doors remained stubbornly open – and not a blady soul came to the lift, so we could’nt even sneak a peak at what is required these days! Finally we realised and inserted our key card in the little slit, pushed our floor number and Hey Presto – the lift doors closed and we were on our way! Clearly, very clearly you no doubt have realised dear reader I am not a seasoned traveler – as this was all new to me!

Now when it got to the room, it was in darkness, but I am super proud to admit – this I know how to do! At the entrance to the room is a little compartment – you confidently place your key card in there and Hey Presto the lights come on! (for those of you that just learnt something – its such a pleasure).

The trip was wonderful. In particular it was truly amazing seeing some of the girls in our team – I don’t think we realise just how COVID alienated us. Of course, the trip wasn’t without its faux pas’s – after all it wouldn’t be Dizabeth if there wasn’t a faux pas I am sure you will all agree. We were traveling through the streets of Sandton and I noticed the American flag, it was the American Embassy and true to Dizabeth style – she speaks out – loud and blady clear when she is thinking! Which, well is why I have titled this blog Never have I ever…..because never have I ever been so blady embarrassed – ok that’s rubbish I have been embarrassed a trillion times thanks to my not thinking before opening my big blady mouth! So I notice the flag flying next to the American flag and didn’t I comment! Yip I did – I commented on how pretty it was “wow look at that funky version of our flag ” I chirped (confidently!!) from the back seat. There was a moments silence as the front passengers obviously tried to figure out if I was buggering around – and when they realised I was genuine – they corrected me! The flag I thought was so pretty – and does in fact resemble our flag (sort of) but it in fact is the Gay Pride flag! No judgement here please dear readers – this old gal clearly is not up to scratch with the world as she likes to think!

What was really wonderful was the me time! Spending the evening in my own little Princess pad, with no one vying for the TV remote, it was wonderful. I lazed on my bed, which in itself is like TOTALLY different to the at home bed, and that linen – nothing, I mean NOT EVEN CLOSE to the linen we have at home! It truly is wonderful hey – just chilling in this room with no concerned as to what to produce for dinner, or waiting whilst the TV is on “stuff” you truly don’t fancy watching! Never mind the overkill of downy comfy pillows! Stunning! Stunning! Stunning. No to mention, the airconditioner – ahhhhh the air conditioner – bliss!

And on that note, I will sign off from my “gewone” house – go feed the dogs and get dinner ready for Mr!

Thanks for loving my blog the way you do and remember, always be kind to you.

Till next time.

Mwah mwah