Week two and I am slightly confused, did we decide on a new chapter commencing in UK or was it seriously KZN, South Africa! The music of the moment in my mind is without a doubt Phil Collins – “I think it will rain down” (my interpretation) as the actual Phil version he says: “he WISHES it would rain down” – erm noooooo thanks Phil! Also, whoever sang “I can see clearly now the rain has NOT gone” – anything with rain in it is the way it has been bar one or two hot days. Now let me share with you – these folks idea of a “hot” day and mine – well they differ! A hot day is like standing in the kitchen all day right up against the oven when the oven is on 180 degrees in Nellies – here – ok it could change, but thus far, a “hot” day is about 29ish. Bearable? Absobladalutely. As I sit out on my verandah I am disturbed by a truly bizarre sound……oh, wait a minute: it’s the blady grass growing!!! WTF – I hear its snowing in UK – now that is something awesome – KZN – they most certainly don’t need anymore blady rain! Anyhow that’s the opinion of the new kid (old hag!) on the block.
Our first rainbow in Waterfall
So, let’s take a step back to the day we left Nelspruit! Ah best I call the therapist RIGHT NOW!!! My frikken giddy aunt – if I am honest, I have spent the past two weeks really battling to even glance at Dizabeth! Never mind engage in a conversation with her! She said she had this thing called packing up a house “sorted”! Well wasn’t that a bullsh..t story! Or let’s give her the benefit of the blady doubt – perhaps she doesn’t understand the meaning of the word “sorted”? Oh, my word, the day the movers arrived she and they were tossing things in open boxes, building up blady boxes and phoning a friend for more – yip no jokes – thanks Jules – you and Keri were a true Godsend – thank you for the boxes! I truly am battling to even look at her – Dizz that is, even sideways! What a disappointment she turned out to be. The “Mamba mover who had it all planned” erm NOT! So yes, she started when 2022 commenced – but perhaps that was her blady problem! Just like we all thought 2022 was going to be a breeze, dearest Dizz clearly thought packing would be too!!!! She even had the blady confidence of booking a hair cut on the third to last day followed by a pedi on the day before that dreaded truck arrived – WTF! The confidence! Anyhow, so the truck arrived, after we had all dodged boxes that were being tossed across the room and boxed (get the pun there – I actually literally meant fought each other) as to where the box tape was we finally drove out of Nelspruit – ok, ok we all know Diz. First, she had a pit stop to say goodbye to my Jacks at her work and give last hugs to my Lis and Lynn. Pammie, if I had been driving you would have been included on my leaving the block route perhaps it was a good thing that Chad was driving, we would probably still be saying goodbye to each other! Poor child (Chad) we all were pretty exhausted and still had an 8-hour journey ahead of us. Chad had sorted the music, that child (young man) he is incredible. He had done a play list of my fav’s as well as his. I must add at this point – the young man has certainly matured. You will recall, our last road trip was about 6 years ago to Stellies for Uni. We would listen to one or two that Chad had included on our playlist especially for his mama bear; ol Blue eye’s Frank Sintra “I did it my way” or Billy Joel followed by frikken hell I don’t even know but someone screeching “I wanna F…k you ….oh yeah mama I am gonna …..” – this time Chad most certainly had more laid back golden oldies – they were lovely thank you my angel 😊.
Rosie, Bandit and the blady kitchen sink!
In our car was our beloved Rosie and Bandit. Rosie, I swear – being a rescue – I am pretty sure after the last months of more and more boxes filling every inch of flooring in our house, she was quite aware as Bob Dylan once sang “Times they were achanging” – so she was pretty stressed as I sure all the pets were. So, she sat rod straight, trembling and panting mostly the whole 8 hours. My poor baby – I kept reassuring her – and every time Chad flippen dodged or didn’t blady dodge a pot hole and braked hard instead, dearest Rosie would come careening through to the front along with the blady bathroom mirror, the kettle, that pot that was on the stove and all the little iddy biddy’s that we just clearly didn’t see until it was time to blady leave and so had to toss on the back seat along with dearest Rosie and Bandit! Why the hell does that happen hey – you have packed up and you honestly just don’t see the plates still on the drying rack, the kettle, the dishwashing liquid – yip – you see what I am saying – Dizabeth was a blady disaster mover – trust me don’t ever ask her!!! In fact, at this stage, I do need to say a booming thanks to Pam! Pam arrived the day before and well let’s just say if she hadn’t – well the movers would definitely have been packing a helluva lot more than they did! Pam and I – we were the funniest – we had a thousand goodbyes – each day that was supposedly our last – we would meet for coffee, kuier at the Botanic gardens, and it was our last day – until it was time to hug – we would say – “ok you know what let’s not say good bye ‘ lets meet tomorrow” and the day that was our last good bye, I stood sobbing at the gate whilst Rosie stared by forlornly at me – I slowly walked back into the house and heard a “toot toot” at the gate – yip it was Pam! She had forgotten to say goodbye to Gary – so another hug and another crying session on my side!
Anyhow, so we drove, and drove and DRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOVE! I felt so bad, at one stage, pretty early in the journey I casually mentioned I was feeling quite tired, poor Chad – he clearly felt he just couldn’t ask his mama bear to share the driving after that – hmmmmm or was it – ha was it that he didn’t want the dogs climbing and slobbering alllllll over him!!! Hm interesting point that! Now another very important share dearest Diz has for her South African readers – that are still braving these Southern lands – and for those that have bucks – perhaps right here is a business opportunity! Its time to rethink our confidence in Google Maps when traversing this land! A few years ago, we were in Cape Town heading toward the airport when we realised we needed petrol. We asked ol’ faithful (NOT!) Sheilagh to lead us to the closest petrol station! Anywhere in the world I am confident this would be hundreds – erm SA not so blady much! At the time she took us through a very, very, very veeeeeeeeerrrry rough, scary dodgy township. That day I recall sitting in the back, Gary was the only chirpy passenger – a sure sign he is DYING of stress, whilst Chad was quiet, but you know that toooooooo quiet quiet – so I knew he was petrified – and all dearest Diz did was sit in the back and kept saying in a very high pitched screetchy voice: “well when they read about this murder in the YOU magazine they going to say – well they were blady fools for even being there – they looked for trouble and they certainly found it!” but thank God we were safe then and yip last week – we were safe so thank you Lord. BUT thanks to blady Aunty Sheilagh again – we asked for the quickest route – remember it was approaching 9pmish. We were exhausted mentally and physically and didn’t she blady take us us through another township. Now all aunty Diz did – each time we passed another car I would hide my face – yip you all know why – to alleviate any suspicion of course dear reader – of course! We finally arrived at our destination at 10.15 – Ryan by then was clearly sozzled drinking his beers as he waited for us oh yes and he was watching the soccer World cup, Tide and Michelle had fallen asleep – and Chad and myself – well lets just say there was a distinct “vibe” emanating off both of us! Ryan hadn’t even finished asking if we would like a drink and we were both offering him a wine glass and eagerly gulping down our first glass!
However since then it has settled into our new norm. I am still dodging Gary’s unpacked boxes – I refuse, simply reeeeeeeeeeeeeeffffffussse to unpack his! I did more than my fair share – yes dear reader – yes, I know it took me a year to do it – but frik I still did it! So, we are settling into our new home. We have – well Dizabeth – priorities dear reader PRIORITIES – the Christmas decorations are up – the furry family are most certainly settled – the load shedding – for my blady sins dear Nellies friends we now do experience shedding the blady load. I was firstly doing flick flacks because I was “whoa whoa” my cooking mealtimes will most certainly lessen – that is until I realised the blady stove is GAS! But the kitchen – oh my giddy aunt what a blessing after the room that was supposed to be a kitchen before!!!! I have worked out when it is shedding the load, I ensure tablet is charged and Netflix is ready to roll for the night time stints.
Its beginning to feel a lot like Christmas
We have already visited the Shongweni market – we loved it and I even bumped into KZN mates! Oh and the other “uncanny” hmmm what would one say – event that occurred. When Ryan was a little one I bought the Noddy collection, somewhere in this thing called Life – we lost them – since Tide has been born, I have always been on the lookout for Noddy – although apparently it turned out Enid wasn’t that great in her story telling – to keep it politically correct dear reader I will not elaborate, if you wondering – try trusting dear Google since this time it’s simply to learn a reason and not a destination, you should be good and you will discover that Noddy these days is a big no no in this new world. Digressing HUGELY there, so ….. the DSTV guy was in the ceiling – and in there he found, a Teddy, puzzles, books and one of them – yip “All aboard for Toyland – Noddy”. Interesting hey – some little person clearly had a “child cave” in the ceiling – when mama was in a bad mood this child climbed the ladder to quietness (dum dum dum dum – scarey music playing) was it quietness or safety? Scary or intriguing? Watch this space – I sure will keep you posted. The other interesting fact, the main room – it has the meanest, seriously big assed latch and lock – so someone would lock someone out or in (Yikes who watched Jeffrey Dahmer on Netflix!!!!) role out the scary music again ….DUM DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMM!
Hmmmmmm 2023 could lead to some interesting blogs I am sure you will agree dear reader 😊
And that dear readers is all she wrote.
I am not too confident that I will be writing before Christmas – so I am going to thank you all for your love and always showing such care and kindness when it comes to reading my blog.
I wish you all the most amazing Christmas – whether it be with loved ones, friends and friends and family OR by yourself. BE BLESSED – ALWAYS BE KIND TO YOU. And I am holding thumbs you all get what you asked Santa for – whether you been naughty or nice this year – you deserve ONLY THE BEST.
I LOVE AND TREASURE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU.
Be blessed.
Mwah Mwah
Aaah man, still chuckling after this read.
Awesome awesome and thank you for this year’s entertainment of your blog.
Looking forward to 2023 start.
Truly amazing..
I truly live your life in the moment. So funny. Good and entertaining read! Thanks for a year of great blogs. All the best in your new home. Lots of love 💕
thanks Collie and to you too mwah mwah