Life with Dizabeth

It amazes me – each time (thus far) I think the blog was “meh” I get the most amazing, exhilarating, stunning comments from you dear reader – thank you! I swear you are the kindest and always and forever encouraging readers I have the pleasure of knowing – I didn’t think the subject matter was much to write home about last blog and so I published it very,very hesitantly. You are the kindest – so thank you. Right…. onto this week.

I went for a Pedi the poor, poor therapist. I know, in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if I lose a few readers after this week and my home truth! But me oh my! In the feet department I certainly wasn’t blessed – but I do need to confess I am also really not one of those that devotes too much time to my feet! I know, I know it’s a shocker BUT …well there really is no excuse. The funny thing though is I have the cheek to flaunt my pretty summer (Woolies) sandals each summer. I do go to the trouble of painting my toes – but hmmm besides that not much effort is put into them – shame considering they carry this hefalump body of mine and have done so for the last fifty eight years they do deserve more love and attention than they are currently receiving. (Sorry for those that are griiiiiiling as you have an image of my crocodile feet!) I definite, definitely ….ok first digression – so I am busy in front of the TV as I type away at this week’s blog and my frikken tablet starts emiting music from it – can you believe it was a frikken phone call coming in from my tablet. (That’s a first, I know I know not so unusual for you dear reader but hey remember this writer is quite IT challenged so really wasn’t expecting my “type writer” to start ringing!) but then even worse I reckon it was a blady scam call as I answer (with Gary literally frothing at the blady mouth because I answered) and some American woman was telling me to Push 1 now to win a R1000 – but you know if she had just said it in a gewone South African accent – and hadn’t kept repeating herself I may just have done as she instructed –but dead give away that accent and the insistence that I push 1 NOW! She lost me and I pushed “end call” instead! Ok so as I was saying my poor therapist – she is the most amazing lady I have been going to her for years – but yip I swear (I daren’t ask her) but bets are she books a therapy session after she has done my feet. Actually I bet when I ring she braces herself before answering and prays this time I will be asking for a mani or a facial or anything but please not a pedi – but of course it is always for a pedi! Now what I tend to do – in fact I do it anytime I am not feeling comfortable – I talk, talk and then talk some more! So not only is the poor woman trying to duck when she trims my nails – but she really, really wishes I would rather hone into the calming music playing in the background than go on and on, jumping from this subject to this and then back to that again – and all because quite frankly I am hugely embarrassed at how truly, truly ugly my blady feet are! So now I hear you asking yourself – then why the heck does she leave her feet for so long. Well it’s – hm what would my excuse be  – time is one and I suppose life itself – before you know it, its Friday again! In all honesty this week – and never mind this week – last week – it flew and next thing I know I am on week two with not publishing the “weakly” blog. So apologies to you dear reader for not publishing last week and sorry my dearest beauty lady for the therapy session you no doubt still recovering from!

As you know dear reader I write this over the course of the week – and truth be told this time I have totally lost the blady plot! What the heck was the subject matter for last week (that I missed!) and am now trying very hard to deliver this week? Oh yes – so mani’s, pedi’s, massages – oh my word sadly for me BOTH a full body and facial – well don’t I talk the hind leg off a blady dinosaur never mind a donkey! Now when it comes to a pedi a totally different …………………..(ok I am also huuuuuuuggggeely distracted I have no idea what the heck I have done but it appears my hubby is no speaks with me sooooooo I am sitting on the patio with my earphones and listening to my favourite golden oldies and this is proving a distraction. Because I keep wanting to sing along – just listened to “Living next door to Alice” and yip I hear you agree – it is definitely in the karokee top 10 and you just really, really have to sing along! So …now “I’’ll meet you at Midnight” is pounding in my ears – so I guess I should actually put the my tablet  away and try again tomorrow!)But nope, Dizabeth is well aware she let last week slide so is she on a “deadline” – sjjoe how dramatic am I! Anyhow back to the pedi – so truth be told I (thanks to my blessed Mama bear if I say so myself I have been blessed with really perfectly, perfectly nails – now I can hear you questioning yourself – ” did she really just say that about herself?” – and yip dear reader I did. Its always been amazing – swear not bragging now – but promise I am not lying when I say I get quite a few compliments often about my nails. So, yes I am fine with them and have no shame, absobladalutely no shame in flaunting them – now the feet, hmm not so much. They seriously need that “professional” assistance that only a beauty therapist can give them. (Promise – especially mine!) Swear if I had lived in the world wars (oh shucks maybe wars are not such a good choice right now what with Russia and UkrainL). Anyhow the point I am trying to make with my feet is they could have let me walk ahead bare foot and be the Landmine Lady in both world wars.  I would step on a landmine and these feet of mine would still be fine after the landmine exploded (I kid you not! – yes I know, the poor, poor therapist but hey she does answer her phone when I phone her!) I guess I really shouldn’t be sharing this with you – but when it comes to the smoothing of the sole of your foot – my therapist has this sander – no  I am NOT kidding – she has the handiest little sander that she uses on my feet. Funny she was telling me (so proof that I am not the only crocodile footed lady out there) that some ladies find it too tickalish so she doesn’t use it – probaly their skin can use the Pumus ( what is it called) anyhow you know that thing I am talking about that black stone thingy that you whoosh along the bottom of your feet!

So once we finally done she finishes off before putting on the nail polish – she massages your feet – okay so both the sander and the massage – ohhhhhh my giddy aunt – this is my heaven – how stunning, I swear its my best – also, what about when you have your hair washed and they do that massage – ahhhhhhhhh my bestest EVER! But then the issue comes in (sorry I am back to my feet again dear reader) – so the whole shanigans is finished (she has booked a therapy session and my feet are perfectly perfect for a couple of weeks at least) and its time to put your sandals back on and leave. Oh yes dear reader – is that not a challenge in itself!!! Slip sliding away – and then on the one or two occasions you cannot just go straight home as you have errands to run. Erm “run” not the appropriate word – but it reminds me – who remembers when you first ice skated – holding onto the side – so worried you were going to fall! Well it’s the same after a pedi with all that cream she massaged onto your feet. And you know in all the years I have never learnt to choose the easiest sandals that don’t allow for the slip sliding episode. Oh yes and what about when she is trying to help you put your sandals back on without smuding the still wet nail polish on  your gorgeous toes! Oh no wait a minute in my case – yes gorgeous finger nails but definitely not gorgeous toes – or toe nails!! So going back to the massages – oh my word – I talk off a whole blady dinosaur torso when it comes to both the face or body massage. Why – hmmm Ijust feel my face – well its not the youngest and its quite veiny – and the body! Well it is a big bloaty floaty one. Now don’t get me wrong – I don’t really have “body issues” but I just know what she probaly does see and compare – maybe not – but ahhhhhh I always feel quite intimidated – what about when you have booked either of the above and as you walk in for said massage the client before is the most gorgeous Miss World look alike! How the heck can you not have blady body issue images?

And that dear reader is about it for this week, I am HUGELY excited as we march toward March – I know its Africa, and I know Africa is hot and if you don’t like it then leave for cooler pastures. (Trust me now dear reader if there was an option for a greener pasture that is COOL I promise I would have pursued it) the heat and my age – they are just not gelling!!! My giddy aunt its wild man. I so, so prefer winter. Those layers that can so, so,soooooo blady be removed – as against this heat – you are (well I am) as naked as the day I was born and still as hot as Haleys. Air conditioning? I hear you ask – in an ideal world and again if I didn’t live in South Africa I no doubt would be able to afford the electric bill that comes with blady air conditioning. However, with the current cost of living in South Africa….okay, okay I am going to sign off now I know I am sounding like a grumpy – grumpasarus old woman.

So on that note dear reader – That is all she wrote.

Apologies for skipping last week. (It was just too hot to publish – Kidding )

Thanks for loving my blog the way you do.

Stay safe, healthy and always be kind to you.

Mwah mwah.

This week we are going to talk about our “devices” no I am not talking about those blady devices – or am I! So, this weekend my beloved friend Pam and I planned to walk. The night before she sent me a message to confirm the walking plan and to check if I wanted to join her later in the day – her and her daughter would be hiking. So, I answered her, but I answered her in the same way I talk – oh yes – that was problem number one dear reader! Gary is constantly saying – ‘What – just what are you going on about’ – or another thing – I have a number of Michelle’s in my life – I don’t stipulate which one I am meaning – then I have the audacity to get extremely irritated when Gary dares ask which Michelle I am meaning! Actually, I think it is a bit like my blog. I change the subject midway – yip – imagine what it is like living this life of Dizabeth!

Anyhow, so back to Pam and I walking on Saturday morning. She answers me and asks:” why aren’t you keen to hike?” I reckon ah I am about to see her – we can chat then. I grab my water, and off I tootle (no, no dear reader I drove there) I arrive and what’s app that I am outside. Nothing. Not online. I hoot – and then I hoot again – nothing. I think well let me phone.  I phone. Nothing, no reply – so I check – yip I have her daughter’s number – so I hesitate for a second – what will this young girl think with this blady old friend of her mother’s ringing her – I only hesitated for a second – and rang – she answered I tried to check for a sleepy voice – anyhow she was quite confused but I have to admit she was very polite – and asked what was up – so I was so “um can I chat with mom please she isn’t answering her phone” – well it turned out – Pam had gone to do Parkrun. I relooked at my message – now you know how blady frustrating it is when you sending a message on whats up and that darn auto-correct takes charge!!!! So often I look back on the sent message and wonder what the heck that person thought of it! In the message to her I said “no keen to walk and not to doing hike” so autocorrect – she read it is “NOT keen to walk and no to doing hike”. Now I am not going to promise myself or anyone else that going forward I will check before sending a message – as – well who really checks them? Oh! Shucks you do reader – hmm then maybe I should – perhaps when it pertains to meeting and where etc yip I should definitely check what I sent! Ok now that I THINK about it, I do check before sending messages – so then I do wonder – you know how “everything happens as it should” Perhaps it was Devine intervention as it turned out – none of us went hiking later that day – maybe there would have been a major accident – who knows, and we were saved. You know those amazing stories you heard about with regards to 911 – those that had to stop at the pharmacy before work as they wore new shoes and had blisters, the child that threw a tantrum and delayed the mom – crazy hey – I always wonder – when you – shucks this is the worst – when you leave your purse at home (or in my case it fell out my bag and was actually under the car seat) and then your friend has to pay for the coffee/lunch. Embarrassing much – absobloodyalutely – but even that little mishap – it happens as it should. So on the Saturday. I came home and took my beloved furry babies for a walk which they ABSOLUTELY loved! So yes – perhaps it does work out the way it should. 😊

Now this is going to sound “freaky” I always check how my word count is going and when I checked now it was “666”! Yikes – hope that isn’t an “Omen” (nudge, nudge get my play on words there – in fact those that aren’t horror movie fans – you won’t – it was the number in the old, really old movie called “The Omen” I have always hated the name  (sorry for those that have a child named this – sorry, promise absolutely no malice meant) but remember the little kid in it was Damien – since then I am always “yikes” which I know, I know it’s only a blady movie!

Anyhow another example of the message that you send to whomever. Last night I was chatting with my Chaddy – he is doing so well, really working hellish hard but seems to be very happy. He has (along with his room mate and two other guys he has befriended, they have signed a second contract and will commence in New York beginning June) I know – how frikken awesome is that! I have ALWAYS wanted to go to London, NY and Amsterdam – thanks to a very, very kind friend I got to London – as you have gathered I haven’t travelled much dear readers if you wondering why the heck is her “bucket list” so blady weak. Anyhow so we chatting last night – so we have “adopted” his and his room mate from Cape Town – both boys moved on this year – Chad to America and so his room mate (and one of his best friends) moved into a new flat and their “child” Nino wasn’t too accepted by the new flatmates – so yip he lives in Nellies now with Ma and Pa Kettle here. Can you believe I am talking about not traversing much – so this cat – he is four and he frikken flew Airlink nogal from Cape Town to Nelspruit! Yes – I am not that bad dear reader I have travelled often but shucks it eats me that I am not well traversed! Digressing AGAIN. …so, I sent Chad a photo of Nino (Beano) and in the background was the fish tank – it was in quite a state (the fish tank dear reader) so last weekend I did the whole transferring of Mr Fish to a temp tank as I emptied his out – cleaned the pebbles, the tank the whole shebang! So, I sent Chad this message. (OK there is one very obvious oopsie though, I do spell pebbles with a capital P and that was our precious little Jack Russell’s name). Ok before I share the message with you – we had a beautiful little Jack Russell – she was the apple of my eye – I treasured her – sadly she got lymphoma last year and passed away in January 2021. She was actually Chad’s dog. Ok, so back to the message I sent to Chad, see the photo dear readers. Just seems easier to show you the actual screen hey …..

So yip Chad thought his mama bear was having a senior moment – shucks I will never forget – and this was a couple of years back – in fact more than a couple of years. Chad was talking about me for some reason and said “Ma you and dad are dinosaurs….” Really – dearest child – R-E-A-L-L-Y!

I know when COVID first infiltrated our planet – he always used to say please ma be careful – you and dad are old!

So there I am digressing – we were on about how it’s the wording we use when we whats app! Sjoe I have to say I have had plenty “situations” – mind you way, waaaaay before whats app – in fact in my every day just chatting I have had P-L-E-N-T-Y. Plenty situations of putting my foot in it – sometimes I think it’s the tone in which I say something. Now another interesting fact, how many times I am mis-heard. I often wonder if I don’t speak clear enough – I know, yes I am aware that I tend to ramble on and on and change subject mid-sentence – but maybe I don’t pronounce the words clear enough? And here comes another digression; I am sitting outside today – and the neighbours are having a wall built. I reckon this is going to be bigger than the blady great wall of China – Jeez they have been building it since time began. Anyhow, there are five builders there as I type – oh my giddy aunt – they are talking ever so loudly and in their home language …. lets just say my irritation levels are steadily rising and yip I will be drinking tonight! (Agh soooooo irritating and the thing is I am working on the patio and its soooooo beautiful and pleasant USUALLY …. just noticing swear to …. swear to whomever; the blady neighbourhood birds have even been drowned out by this lot!!!

Anyhow talking about devices – at the moment I am – in fact there are no words to describe just how freaked out I am with regards to that blady thing known as a Laptop device! We work remotely – recently we had a meeting whereby our data usage was one of the topics discussed. Dear reader Iet me tell you – when the list was displayed on the screen – I swear on my life – I was totally and honest to God GOBSMACKED! As dramatic as this will sound – it literally ruined the remainder of my day – and truth be told it is STILL wrecking every working day. It is one of the highest data usages within our team. Now you all know me pretty well – one thing – don’t ever, ever, EVVVVVVVVVER accuse me of something I haven’t done – DON’T! and when I have oopsied I will ALWAYS, and always do own up and apologise. So yip – this is beyond freaking me out. In fact I guess I shouldn’t have brought it up to you dear readers but hey join every person I know. Everyone has heard the story of my data – I think its got to a point where when I ring a friend/family member they are thinking “Ah my giddy aunt – no doubt she is going to bleat on again” so the said phone rings, then goes onto the “Hi you have reached so and sooo….sorry I am not available right now ….”  Sooner than soon If this isn’t resolved I reckon I am going to have to stop strangers on the street so I can have a “therapy” session with them regarding data usage☹.

As a final one for the week – a Facebook memory came up this week, Now, one of the reasons I love Facebook so much – is the memories that pop up – it really is great. Until I received this one, the thing is clearly at the time it was special enough to me for me to actually signit  up into the Book of Face and post ……. Dear reader – have a look at this post.

Truthfully, I am flummoxed as to what was so, so blady special that I went to the effort of posting – but the truth of the matter is – I have no idea. None. Nada. Ziltch! As to what I was “never supposed to forget” – maybe, just maybe Chad has a point and I am way more of a dinosaur than I even begin to realise!

And that is all she wrote 😊.

Thanks for loving my blog the way you do.

Stay healthy and always be kind to yourself.

Mwah Mwah.

And so dear reader I am sure by having Blog 31 published it’s pretty obvious – I survived!

 Now I am not going to fib. I was quietly placating myself the whole weekend – and let me tell you it was a frikken grueling weekend – of that I will not lie! So, on Sunday as we traversed through the same blady park we had spent the whole weekend “gallivanting” through (Gallivanting : a word used to try make it sound “fun” for me dear reader!) I was placating myself with “Ok Dizabeth you have got the Tshirt – well blady done, you can tick that off your to do list.” when Gary piped up ever so enthusiastically. “Thanks babe. Wow I am so chuffed we did this together; I would hate to have done it on my own – don’t you agree?” (erm…… no frikken comment!) as the day continued he also shared that this will be the first of many adventures for the Senior Robbertze’s with regards to Kruger. Hm now I wouldn’t use the word “adventures” …. Perhaps a “moment of utter madness” suffices for me! But in saying that – yip – I will go back.

Me and my beloved Snaring duty partner! Our theme song going forward IS DEFINITELY “Babe I love you ‘ Styx. Just listen to those words dear reader it will all make sense😊

When we initially booked – we were told all the “luxury” accommodation had been scooped. We would have to camp. No dear reader – not Glamp – Camp! We don’t have a tent, so my dearest, darling husband went and bought us one it was on “special” and is a two-man tent. Now if I am to hazard a guess – the reason it was “on special” is because as a two-man tent, I think this one was made for dwarfs! No, absolutely nooooooo disrespect meant here – but frikken hell if that two-man tent is meant for average 2 “mans” well then, I will eat my frikken Sunday hat (and I don’t even have one!) Anyhow, part of the stress for the up-and-coming weekend was the fact that since Gary and I are NOT seasoned campers – we DON’T have all the bells and whistles – in fact we DON’T even have the bare necessities – so it would have been us two, our two-man tent, our two camping chairs, and one, yes dear reader – one light that we use for Load shedding! No camping table, no camping fridge, no camping mattresses, yip nada – nothing! So, it was a welcome relief when I was told they had accommodation for us. And whilst we on the subject of what we DON’T have. Both Gary and I DON’T have hiking boots/shoes! Yes, dear reader – Gary wore his heavy duty work shoes and yours truly wore her walking takkies/runners (erm nooooo Dizabeth in your case they certainly not runners – they definitely walkers!) Yes, I am aware that I was walking – but not walking as we all know it – shucks the long grass – Yikes!!! I wish you could have seen the seasoned snarers when we gathered at the assigned meeting point for the snaring expedition on Saturday morning. I am very sure Andre was dying to keep quiet, however his curiosity got the better of him and he “casually” asked if those were my shoes of choice – before he went on to explain the terrain we would be walking – my simple peach little walking shoes would certainly not suffice! BUT I am proud to say dear reader they actually did! Sure, the spear grass and other gremlin grass proved hazardous but my little peach walking trainer/takkies conquered!

Two of the cutest little creatures. Look how this caterpillar resonates a fern leaf. This chameleon was in a little bush.

So, let’s start with the Friday night. We arrived and all the snarers had gathered and were bobbing in the pool with a beer. I really was a little shy I have to admit – Oh yes dear reader you did read correctly – I was a little (lot) shy! I didn’t have to worry though – another far too over thought worry I had – were they a nice bunch? They are a fantastic bunch of people. Obviously, some stood out more than others but in general a lovely – truly fun bunch. We had so, so many good laughs. Greg in particular definitely the comedian and life of the party – his wife Sandra; also a future friend. Sandra is not a snarer just goes along to party and support Greg. (Yes, dear reader I have already pondered on this option for future ventures!) Anyhow I don’t know what the exact temperature was – but frik it was blady, blady hot – so much so that yours truly actually put her costume on – grabbed a glass of wine and joined the group in the pool (yip it was that hot!) We braaied on Friday night and hit bed early. Oh wait – ok so back to the accommodation. I was beyond delighted when I received a call from Jacques on the Thursday saying they had had a cancellation and there was a room for Gary and me. He suggested I write down the name “Langa”. Which I duly did, as I thanked the good Lord and his angels. We were saved, our little two man-er could stay home! So, we arrive Jacques comes up and introduces himself and doesn’t dearest Dizabeth after all the intro’s ask if he knows where I can find “Langa” – he had that confused look that people so often get around me when I talk! So I repeated my question in a slower,clearer tone – did he know which office I would find Langa so we could get the keys to our room? Well dear reader after me thinking he was perhaps deaf, and I should maybe try signing – it clicked! The blady room was called Langa!

Recovered snares! I know hectic isn’t it

We were assigned to a team (now this was another Overthinking moment – I was SO convinced they would split Gary and I – nope they didn’t!)  there were three teams – “wake up and meet” time was 4am! Oh yes dear reader – four-blady-am! So that was the deciding factor for Dizabeth – not her usual consumption of her alcoholic beverage but an early night instead! No wait I am exaggerating! Meeting time was 5am – so I set the alarm for 4am – remembering I needed to dress in the proper attire which would take me awhile! No, I didn’t have the “proper attire” but had packed a wide variety of maybe’s so it was a case of eliminating and choosing the correct attire! (Listen I didn’t even have hiking boots so how the heck would it make sense if I did indeed have the proper attire?) The interesting bit here – I was super proud as “Ranger” Dizabeth removed all her jewels. Why you ask, well I could imagine me being hoiked by a bush as it hoiked onto my bracelet or worse – I choked to near death as something wrapped itself around my chain and I died a slow painful death (no, at this stage I never for a minute thought of the wild animals in the park!!) and dear reader ….there were all the ladies – dripping in all their jewels, pretty nail polish AND even hair down! Yip the ones with long flowing locks weeeeelllll – yip it was all loose and blowing in the frikken wind! So, there it would seem I also over thought things!

Anyhow so off we set – Gary was the back packer guy who was banker of our waters – I didn’t even take my cell, yes that’s how serious I was dear reader! Gary and I accompanied a truly lovely guy, Martin and his lady. Well, what a delight the trip to the snaring was he is such a knowledgeable young man – really was fascinating listening (and learning from him). It was quite a distance (in a car) from where we were based, to the snaring section. What they do, the full-time rangers that are a part of Kruger, decide on which areas we will swoop. I will admit on Saturday I don’t believe (in fact I know for a fact) I didn’t realise the true implications of this exercise – it was only after the event on Sunday that I truly appreciated the implications of what we were doing. We trawled the bush for over 5kms (another over thinking moment – I was very sure we would be walking 15-20 kms per day) – with not one snare being found – which let’s face it – is a good thing! The reason apparently, as there is such an abundance of rain at the moment – the poachers cannot cross the river to set the snares! I know, don’t you just blady wish they would try and then get “swooped” down the very full and powerful, gushing river – (come on you idiots I double dare you!) – ok so the intention of this blog is to give all my readers a good laugh – so a bit of an angry digression there – sorry ☹. So we swooped the area and no snares were found – so our adventure which generally starts at 6amish and finishes at 2pmish – was over by 10am. I tried EXTREMELY hard not to show my relief as we headed back to the camp😊 We go out with assigned field rangers that are permanently in Kruger so once we were finished swooping – they need to head back to perform other duties, so cannot placate us by taking us to another area (thank goodness – but shhhhhh😊). Gary and I took the rest of the day and cruised (comfortably with our car, air conditioning and NO walking shoes) through Kruger. We had an amazing up close and personal encounter with a leopard as well as other animals. Shame we came upon five rhinos – each and every one of them had been dehorned.

Saturday night the team definitely is a little rowdier and party quite hard. Dearest Dizabeth – she quietly retreated at 8pm – granted we only had to be at the designated departure spot at 6am on Sunday but let me tell you dear reader – the last frikken thing one wants is to be tired – let alone a bit iffy after a glass too many. Oh yes Saturday afternoon we went to the Hippo dam for sundowners – although it was a bit of an “eeks” moment, it was lovely.

Dearest Dizabeth with her snare 😊

Sunday morning, we headed out as one team (there was probably about 15 of us in total) and we had two rangers with us. We trawled the bush, saw plenty of little (harmless thank goodness – actually I think they were harmless?) creatures great and small. We saw giraffe and waaaaay in the distance we were in the path of a lone Dagga boy buffalo – interesting fun fact – you don’t ever, ever want to bump into a lone buffalo but rather can you believe this one dear reader, rather hope you bump into a whole frikken herd! They will move aside for you, they will be more interested in moving right away from you, whereas a loner will rather attack. (Ah it’s a pleasure – dear Dizabeth a wealth of wildlife experience to share – erm not!) lucky for us this trip we didn’t bump into any lions or such. But it truly did get me pondering. What happened (long story short) there were two guards and us as a group – two of the team were swooping with us, right next to us for giddy sake and before you even aware they are nowhere to be seen!!) imagine that they were not with us – so no where near the gun totting guards – how seriously wrong could that have turned – but it didn’t so let’s not get dramatic now Dizabeth!

In conclusion it is bizarre to think that when we are trawling through the bush, the long grass, you truly, truly have no idea what is literally two frikken feet away from you. The thick grass alone is quite freaking scary! We came upon quite a few little patches of flattened grass – yip you guessed – an animal of some type had been laying there not too long ago! Once we also came upon some very, very, I mean probably still blady warm – elephant poop! The team relayed some stories with us. Oh, my giddy aunt – once they came upon a buffalo, once a hippo who was caught between the team and the dam! (Yip we all know the blady consequences of that!) and last month to add to that – two members were spat in the eye by Mozambican spitting cobras! Also, there you are in the long grass BUT there are also porcupine homes – which comprise of huge holes – and yip you need to look out for those, never mind the fallen branches and and and …. In fact, I was a heroine to my beloved hubby. The first – literally ten steps we took, he tripped over a fallen log hidden in between the long grass and lucky broke his fall by smashing into his beloved’s back.

And that dear readers (in a nut shell if I am honest) is the weekend of snaring. Truthfully, I am not entirely sure how much of our adventure I am able to divulge (I know I am sounding like a CIA agent aren’t I!) so I have just skirted around the long grass so to speak, this week 😊. As I already mentioned going forward, I don’t know yet if I will return to the long, scary, grass that hides humans perfectly – or stay at the camp and bond with Sandra next time.

One huge agggh about this experience. The whoooooolllle weekend we heard about the pepper ticks – on and on and oooooonnnnnnn they all went. When we got back to the room both days Gary and I did the full body inspection including the cough inspection (you know the one – you see it in the movies – when they enter a prison and are striped naked and asked to cough as they are bent over and the guard is inspecting their butt hole!) yes we found one or five ticks – Gary even woke on Monday morning to one exploring his body! BUT those pepper ticks – hmmmm they have made themselves at home on our frikken bodies! And that itch!!! On my giddy aunt. I have enquired from the other team members – who are also itching like crazy and these little blighters can reside on your body from 1 day to …….wait for it ………………….three frikken months!

And that dear readers for this week is all she wrote.

Thanks for loving my blog the way you do.

Mwah mwah

I feel quite lost as to what to talk about today, so let’s see what transpires. This weekend coming Gary and I have signed up (I don’t know what possessed me, as it was my frikken bright idea!) we have been accepted as Honorary Rangers “In training”! I know! I don’t even want to delve too deeply into what frame of mind I was in when I thought this was a good idea! I am literally counting the sleeps – more like the seconds – and no not in excitement – I am so blady worried. I have always said if I was on survivor I would NEVER ever SURVIVE! When we are on conference, I swear to God I am sure the whole team has a secret ZOOM meeting before we start the conference on how not to end up with Liz on your team. I remember we were white water river rafting – we were all told to choose a partner. Well, there stood Liz, stok alleen! I looked forlornly at my team members as they nonchalantly looked the other way whilst casually, ever, ever soooo casually, that it was frikken blatantly obvious – walked in the opposite.  I truly am useless. Actually, if I am honest, I frikken don’t even want me on my team! Survivor – swear I would be voted out the first night. A true Thank you and goodbye! I kid you not! I am – we have a cat – I am very sure I have spoken about her – Fraidy Cat – again yours blady truly named her – why I called her Fraidy Cat – God alone knows. She is literally the least scared cat I have ever known. Perhaps she knew her name already set her off on the wrong footing? She couldn’t do anything about that – but she could show us everyday that she certainly is not a Fraidy Cat and that she does – I would say “daily” is a huge exaggeration – but hmmm can’t say weekly (weakly) nah but often enough she has shown us she is a brave bear – yip she doesn’t even realise she is a cat I reckon! She has caught and killed snakes (one being a Mozambican spitting cobra) – shit now that I want to brag about what she has done in the bravery department my mind has gone blank! Anyhow sure you get the idea dear reader. Her mom (aka me) – not so much in the bravery department. I can be super proactive – hmmm and again – when it suits me, I guess. At the moment I am feeling quite overwhelmed with all that I have dished myself up for 2022! I signed up to do a TEFL course – why I hear you ask – for the simple reason I am not always going to be this spritely, sexy mama that I currently am (nope dear reader I am still the gewone person you met – just joking about being spritely and sexy. But this year – I know a woman never reveals her age – well this one does! I am going to be fifty-nine. Truthfully, I don’t see why it has to be a state secret. My word everyday people look at you and make their own deductions. Ageing is part of life – and I guess Estee Lauder and her tribe can slow the whole process down – as can Botox and face lifts. But my thoughts – what’s the point in delaying the inevitable. I would rather let nature take her course. No, now don’t think I sit out in the sun and bake my body so its leathery and simulates that of a well-worn leather bag that we all love to own, in fact we pay a very high price for “those” tired, old leather but really classy sought-after bags!  I don’t, in fact, I very rarely am in the sun intentionally these days. But I don’t go the Estee Lauder route either (ok, ok truth be told of blady course I would go the Estee Lauder route if I could – my word who wouldn’t – but alas the purse strings are not that long!) so after digressing so, I am really worried about this weekend. Of course, Gary is champing at the bit – so blady excited, we will be doing snare removal. Yip, you read correctly, snare removal. I know! I hear you ask yourself “How the heck is Dizabeth with her hands that are forever getting hand cream smothered all over them – and the same hands that have rubber gloves on them when they wash the dishes! How the heck are they going to cut wire!” And not just wire dear reader. Frikken rusty wired (ok I don’t know if it will be rusty just seen that in the movies!) but there definitely will be sharp barbed wire – oh my giddy aunt!

My creation from all my blood, sweat and nearly tears!

A few months back I did a mosaic course – well thank God (for me) a friend happened to be there and to this day I am forever grateful to her. I thought ah easy peasy after all the pretty glass is there and ready to be stuck on the tray (or whatever you decide to mosaic) – yip you guessed right (hahahahaha) I did a tray. Again, I don’t know what the heck I imagined when I bought the tray – it is sooooo small – you certainly wouldn’t use it to serve someone food on – nope it is now used for the coffee and tea to stand on! So, there I was – Lisa (my life saving buddy) had this hhhhhuuuuuuggggge tray – so we sit all happy with life they bring us a cup of coffee. I am styling – until I am not! The instructor starts by showing us all the tools! Now if someone had said it entails having pliers, and cutters and such, I would have thought twice about attending this course! My experience with mosaic – we were in Dullstroom and there was this little quaint hobby shop. And in the one corner was the mosaic pieces – in lovely convenient little packets – some with a variety of colours – others a particular colour. You could comfortably walk around and choose what you liked the best. You see where I am going with this dear reader? Right, back to the course and the instructor! We have had our coffee and are ready to roll! She says” Ladies in front of you are some cutting pliers, and other tools – on the table are slabs of various coloured glass panes and a mirror…” well, that is when I left the building! No, No not literally dear reader – in my mind. Hell, I had paid R350 to attend this blady course and I could already see my perfectly perfect tray displayed proudly in my house. Hell no, I could do this, and I would do this! Until I swear the trillions of little cuts not to mention the blood – oh my giddy aunt. So once I sorted out my little cuts and stopped the bleeding I enviously watched as the other ladies chipped and chopped their glass panes and mirrors. I gave myself a lecture and started again! Well, the little chips of glass went flying here, there and everywhere whilst my fellow mosaic-ers were ducking for cover from my flying shrapnel. Thank goodness at that point my dear friend Lisa intervened. Let’s just say I finished my tray – but never returned for a second session. (Probably would not have been welcome even if I thought about going back).

So back to the snare weekend. Sigh Sigh! You know we currently having rain but alas this isn’t even one of those where you can hope and pray it rains and the weekend is canceled. Nope these dear readers are dedicated HR’s and a “little” rain most certainly won’t deter them. (In fact, it never blady deters the blady poachers so yeah☹) anyhow so now I am looking at myself and thinking I don’t think it’s going to be the type of weekend where it will be necessary to be wearing my jewelry? Nope I reckon – shucks can you imagine me with these hardened HR’s and me with my blady nail polish, little girly shorts, a pretty off the shoulder top and jewelry. In fact, my boots! They are well worn no denying but in a fashionable way, they Woolies and I cannot see them being suitable for hauling through the thick brush of the Kruger – and them shorts – best I find some old longs to replace those! And that little off the shoulder top – well there goes my theory of never getting sunburnt! I guess it is safe to say I can leave my toe ring on hey. Since I will be wearing boots – yip I guess it’s a safe decision. Ah dear reader I reckon tonight will be a sleepless one before we head off tomorrow arvi. Yikes the butterflies in my tummy right now! “Why the heck is she doing this?” I hear you ask. For so, so, soooooo long Gary’s dream has been to walk through the Kruger, go on those “no entry” roads and explore Kruger not as a Tommy Tourist.  So …. ok Dizabeth – I reckon you got this (phew – well let’s try!)

See what I mean! Gorgeousness personified hey.

Right let’s get back to the leather bag. Did I share this with you dear reader? Last year Gary and I (end of the year so it was my Christmas gift – it was November to be precise) we visited an amazing Orchid farmstall – for my local friends if you have never been you have to pop in there. It is on the freeway to Pretoria/Jozi. Maybe fifteen minutes out of town – it belongs to Urna Stevenson check her out on Facebook you will lurve her farm stall – it is a little quaint white building, beautifully painted with flowers on the walls, a lovely variety of plants and flowers are displayed, and the quaint building is ensconced in this setting. There is a gorgeous coffee shop and the most amazing, gorgeous, simply perfectly perfect little shop with a wide variety of gifts, clothing and that day there were these leather bags! So, I looked at them – they really were cute – cute being the operative word here as they are not my usual style – they are perfect for a cell, a small brush (comb rather actually) and your lippy (Gosh what am I saying it’s been years, y-e-a-r-s since I last wore “lippy”. Lip-ice yip – when I wear lippy well my lips soon are giving the ol’ crocodile huge competition!) Now we all know thus far it’s a wonder I have not required back surgery because of the haversack I tend to carry around. It has EVERYTHING, I mean everything in it (you never know what you may need whilst you at the shops for half a minute!) but now I had decided I am sick of fumbling and searching for things in this said haversack, so I had a little peak and decided they really were gorgeous but wow very, very in fact pricy. Oh yes, also a very important point. As it’s the middle of a Lowveld summer, I have a gorgeous bag (haversack???) its leather (was a gift – a very, very welcome gift😊) so I hoik that on my back – but let me tell you – in the midst of the Lowveld summer I sweat more than any frikken sauna I could ever step into! So that also was a deciding factor in getting the smaller bag. So, I am this amazing little shop looking at these exquisite little bags. I see one and fall instantly in love. Gary has since left me ages back and is sitting “patiently” in the car with the engine running (you see what I mean sitting patiently?) but he sees my face and he knows. He switches off the engine – sits back and says, “Go get it babe.” Then of course I reply “Ah I don’t know hey babe, it’s a lot of money and and and…” as I am opening the car door and stepping towards the shop!

And that dear readers “is all she wrote”.

Thanks for loving my blog the way you do.

Remember, always be kind to YOU.

Mwah mwah

PS: the reason I am doing the TEFL (when I finally frikken start the course!!) so I have something when I retire 😊 those poor, poor kids!

My question for now dear reader: Which one of you has not had that thrill of buying Christmas gifts replaced with the long, never ending stationery list! Yip I am talking school stationery lists! Granted I haven’t been in a stationery queue for many, many years but passing school mama bears this week got me thinking on days gone by.

Those queues we thought were behind us – nope there we were back in them. Those mom’s that were smart enough to buy the stationery before the stationery rush. Yip we will/would meet you in those stationery queues. Why? Because it’s the unwritten rule each year – the teacher requests that little additional we weren’t aware of last year.

Granted I havnt been in a stationery queue for many, many years but passing school mama bears this week got me thinking on days gone by.

 How it has also all changed though? Remember not too long ago when we had that one major stationer as our go to stationery shop, what a variety we have these days. And how about the amazing selection of stationery out there? There is absolutely no way a child can even for a minute feel their stationery is boring, these days. And if they dare! Well, there is no other word but what a blady spoilt brat! (Tut tut!!)  I recall when the boys were still at school, I often would not buy the “recommended” brand that was on the stationery list. Glue in particular springs to mind (or perhaps sticks in my mind😊) not buying that famous one that starts with a P and rhymes with bit. And realising sooner than soon that I should rather have paid that little extra because it did “stick like glue.” Those that bought the genuine one wouldn’t spot blank pages during the year because that photostat sheet had come unstuck and had now been stomped on by a trillion school shoes as it lays forlornly on the much-walked corridors of the school building.  (The worst was when you were cramming for a test the next day and that is when you realise you are missing pages!)

I am very, very sure all mama bears of boys have the thankless task of covering books each year. (I recall when my sister and I were at school. Oh, my word that was back in the days of the ox wagon, we used to keep the Christmas cards my folks had received during the festive season so we could stick them on our books.) Digressed there again Dizabeth …so being a boy’s mom – every year I would gather all the books (textbooks included – stating the obvious here Dizabeth) make myself comfy in front of my favourite soapy and cover the books as I watched TV, which proved hazardous once or twice. Those textbooks, whilst I was so engrossed in the program, I would complete the covering, having written my sons name and grade on it, only then to realise I have it either upside down – or  his name written on the wrong side! Breathe in, out and count to three – then take off the plastic, brown paper and start again. With a little less focus on the soapy this time. Another thing, yes there is still brown paper these days – but it’s not very often you see it on the kids’ books hey? Also, I have noticed it seems there are more files these days, some have amazing inspirational quotes on them – and they generally only need to be covered in plastic and that’s not a biggy, its only if you really want to (I would say to my boys hence trying to get out of covering the file😊). The issue with files though – you always need to buy those thingy’s – the sticky ring that you place on the punched hole, so the papers don’t tear.  (File rings is the name you are seeking Dizabeth.) Hmm now that I think about it. There is always an item that is essential to the item of stationery you bought hey? It’s like they designed it that way – you can’t get A without getting B – they come as team – an essential team. Hmmmm conspiracy theory happening right here on Dizabeth’s blog.

Talking conspiracy, in this week alone I cannot get over how many people when COVID is mentioned – they are mentioning a conspiracy theory! I went to have my eyes tested. Oh, my giddy aunt! The optometrist started on how it’s a conspiracy. Now as much as I truly, truly was intrigued with his theories I thought when we finally did finish, he was going to recommend I get a pair of bino’s – as he was off on all these different theories.  I braced myself for what he recommended as apparently between the ages of 44 to 55 my eyes did a lot of changing – he showed me on the charts – it was hellish interesting dear reader. However, I was bracing myself that I would be either investing in a view finder (for my more mature readers remember the view finders we had as kids) or maybe even a wide view telescope but at the end of it all he said:  “so in conclusion Dizabeth your vision will be perfectly perfect with readers”. Yip you read correctly; a simple pair of readers will do me good! Then cheap skate Dizabeth hauled out a pair of readers I already had and asked the sales lady could I use these frames to save on the medical aid. Now how the heck does this work out – it would have cost me MORE to use my frames than for me to buy one of theirs! I know – there we go –  another conspiracy theory! So, as you no doubt will agree that was another major digression! Dizabeth will now get back to the covering of the books.

The problem with covering in plastic, when you cover a textbook and you didn’t stand the cover up as you stuck down the sticky tape, and the book doesn’t close! You know what I am meaning – you lay the one side down – cover it whilst the other cover is leaning against your knee as you stick on the tape! Then when you think you all stuck and ready to go – you try close the book and the cover hovers in the air! And add to that – what about when the sticky tape sticks down, and you can’t find the loose bit – you must stop holding onto the plastic you were about to stick down to find the sticky end of the tape! Or worse, when the tape sticks down, and you cannot find the sticky end of the tape! You feel round and round the tape and never frikken find the end bit! (Sigh sigh) I cannot tell you how many times I have tossed aside that roll of tape and gone looking for another one. Yes, because there always seems to be more than one roll hanging around in odd drawers.

As if the covering of the books exercise was not stressful enough. I pity the moms who are in the same boat as I was. The little one whose heart breaks every single morning – every morning they awaken with a beaming smile of happiness, until you mention time to dress for school and that little smile turns upside down. The negotiations that occur in this time frame are so much more than all the presidents at the World Summit agreeing on the same thing! As you try enticing them to put that second shoe on: “this afternoon we will go for a soft serve when I fetch you from school – how does that sound, great idea hey honey?” you are the epitome of happiness as you traverse to school playing their favourite CD, plastering a world winning smile on your face whilst inside your heart is breaking. As you watch the teacher wrench them out of their car seat, broken hearted you drive home – totally distracted and not really focusing on the thick early morning traffic you are a part of. You placate yourself: as soon as I get home, I am looking into home schooling, what if I became the online teacher then she/ he could be with me all day. We will never have to endure separation anxiety ever again. On and on you angst. Meanwhile back in the school ground, your little angels’ tears dried up the instant his feet hit the school premises. He has long forgotten his sorrows of the morning. Gosh how many times did I fret all morning – counting the minutes till I fetched my little one. Purposely hanging around so I could “casually” ask his teacher how he had been and her so nonchalantly answering “he was perfectly perfect, those tears – once you were gone – they dried quicker than super glue on the soles of an old pair of boots!” All those angst minutes I wasted on researching separation anxiety and future effects on my child’s older years!

I do believe our lives are seasons – and there are reasons for our seasons. I, at this age certainly couldn’t go back to bath time, dinner time, homework and and and  covering books – especially when they need blady plastic!….I am too frikken old. For me its dinner and my favourite TV show – then off to bed – for a good night’s sleep till I awaken to another Dizabeth day.

And that dear readers for this week – “is all she wrote”. I hope the week is treating you well. Remember keep safe, healthy and always be kind to you.

Till next week – thanks for loving my blog the way you do.

Mwah mwah

Last year I tidied up the house, how crazy is it saying “last year” when in fact it was last week! If I am honest it was a quick tidy. In fact, I cannot remember why I tidied – you know putting “things” that were residing on the pool table which is the first (second) thing you see as you step into our house. I know right! But nope we don’t have a games room, nor do we have a separate TV lounge and casual lounge and nope we don’t have a separate dining room. It’s all one gigantic room as you walk through the front door. Anyhow, I put up the Christmas decorations and we all know how obsessed Dizabeth is with that, so she had to have it all tidied and in place – and in that pile of tidying is (positive vibes – I will still find it) my 2021 Diary. And in that Diary are written all my “secrets” (kidding don’t have any secrets, you all know I am a bit ditzy and daft!) But but if I am honest (yes again!) I had written all my passwords in it. I know I hear you shout out loud! “Who frikken writes their passwords in their blady diary?” – well now you know Dizabeth does!  

So, it is a bit problematic – ok not hectically – as I do remember the important ones. (No! I will not reveal all if you torture me –actually, I probably would☹) but I am very, very similar to a dog with a bone. I will not rest until I recall where the heck it is! It does worry me as the older I am getting I truly am forgetting the most basic things. I go to the loo – see we need a new loo roll – walk to the linen cupboard (Fibbing again, it’s kept in the spare bathroom!) but for my fancy readers who are also feeling anxious that I don’t have a separate room per room I thought I would say that! The problem with being like a dog with a bone and living this life of being Dizabeth I frikken cannot let it go. I am CONSTANTLY thinking ha let me check there – and so far, all the “there’s” I have checked – nothing! Nada! Zilch! I also feel it’s now become more of a challenge – my brain has to recall where the frikken hell it is! What’s the bet’s as soon as I give up my search I will find it and it will be in the most prominent, logical place and I will think “ah of course I put it here!”  the most frustrating for me is I can recall as clear as day seeing it last on that blady pool table.

 I have (had) the most amazing wooden ornaments. I don’t really know what they called – but they very, very extremely skinny African men they all are wearing different attire and all have a pith helmet on. I bought them years ago when we were in Zambia, I adore them. Now one Christmas I packed them away to display all my Santas. Ok, so Christmas came and went. The new year rolled on – and months, I mean months later I suddenly noticed they were no longer in their spot. To this day have no idea, none as to where they are. I put them away somewhere “safe” as I have clearly done with the Dearest Diary – and it is never to be seen again.

That is until the day we do pack up and move – frikken hell best I pencil in a month before the month we do move, as I am going to have great delight in finding all this that I have lost! I remember when I worked at The Mercury – who recalls Joe Parker – the comedian? He was brilliant, he would always be at shucks – was it Fathers Moustache at the Beach Hotel? Anyhow I worked with his sister Kim – she would always say: “its not lost its just misplaced” – hm I wonder where this blady land called Misplaced is in my home! We seem to have our own little Bermuda Triangle happening here!

 UPDATE: I found the wooden men! They were in an empty drawer – and no the blady diary wasn’t there too! But I will, will WILL find that diary. 

Ok so another thing that has seriously, I mean serrrriously gone missing! Who read Blog 22? Who can recall what we chatted about in Blog 22? Can’t recall – well dear reader that’s because there is no Blog 22! And the truth be told. If it wasn’t for my dearest friend Debbie I would never have realized. When she first told me I fobbed it off. “Of course, Dizabeth would never ever have been that dizzy! I will check it out later” – so I did! Yip, there is nada Blog 22. I questioned myself, trawled my documents as there was no way I would have done that! Well dear reader it would appear I could and did do that! So, we will call this blog 22-28 😊.

So today I am asking: “why is it?”

How do flowers open so quickly without anyone witness it actually open? It’s a closed bud then it’s a flower – so often I have experienced my Orchids they have their little closed bud. Next thing I look it’s this exquisite flower. The monkeys were at my house in the last week. I have an Amarylis that was standing tall his, his …. ok I am going to say it. Bets are, we all think it but are polite enough not to say it – so I will dare say it! It looks like a green penis!

I rest my case! Come on dear reader – tell me you DON’T see “it”.

But in defense of the penis – let’s give him praise where praise is due. I personally have the worlds handsomest sons and look at this magnificent flower. I know, I know it wasn’t thanks to “him” but hey this magnificent flower before it bloomed – it was a prize dick.

How gorgeous is this creation? Truly incredible I am sure you agree.

And for those of you that are tut-tuttering now and whispering to yourselves “No!No she has taken the route that most take – the smutty route to keep their audience “I promise I definitely never will. I can assure you this isn’t the year Dizabeth’s blog turns to “smut” – that is not my style. But hey, be honest I have a point above 😊. 

So, moving on with the assurance dear reader that Dizzy will not be going to the smut side. We ask – why is it? Your socks. You buy them as a pair, they have that really annoying tag that tags them together when you buy them. That blady tag that isn’t that simple to pull off. You wear them as a set – all good. And that dear reader is the last time or soon to be, last time you see them together. There is always one that disappears – but I mean disappears never to be seen again (bit like my blady diary!)

Why is it? I found a Natal black snake in my garden. Firstly, did he travel here from Natal? Secondly, they are apparently happy in their turf which is garden refuse – but now we didn’t always have that garden refuse – so who the heck let him know that there was enough there to now call it home? Why is it? You always, always only remember you need black refuse bags, toilet paper, toothpaste sugar (sweetner) when you completely, I mean completely out of said item? How many times are you dying to do a quick wee and then remember ah no loo roll, so you have to search for those take away serviettes that you have always kept for “just in case we need them” well there whamo is your just in case situation right there – last loo roll and no one told you it was finished (hmm or did they tell you and you forgot?) Why is it – you see an item all the time (my diary was definitely on the blady pool table!) but when you need that item you cannot remember where you saw it! I started a “Where is it list” the problem with it though – I never remember to write what I have onto the blady list! I know I am going to feel this when I find my diary – but how awesome is that feeling when you find something you thought you had lost. (What immediately springs to mind – when you find a note in your pocket – the higher the amount the more flick flacks you do!) Gary and Chad always – they don’t even start to look for whatever they cannot find, they straight away ask me “Have you seen…?” the interesting thing here is – I have to go and look for it just as they would have to! And when I say “Have you seen…” it falls on deaf blady ears! I remember the day Gary couldn’t find his glasses. Frikken hell he was going ballistic – I literally dropped whatever I was doing to help him find them. Chad of course carried on with whatever he was doing (no doubt playing PlayStation) anyhow eventually I was desperate and asked Chad to join in the glasses search. I will never forget the look on his face – he was so, so deadpan as he looked at Gary and myself and said “Seriously? They on his face ma!”

Why is it when you entertain, and your guests offer to help tidy up you always (well I do) you adamant “No leave it – it’s all good” and then you blady up for ages tidying up after all those helpful hands have left. Let’s be honest – they certainly wouldn’t have offered their help if they didn’t want to. What about when you can only use a black pen – yip you find everything else but that black one! Why is it – when you so looking forward to an event you have a crap time. You made all the effort as you were so excited, chose the perfect outfit – took time ensuring your hair and dress are perfectly perfect – and you end up having a boiled egg and having a truly crap time! (Blog 27) yet when you are dreading going and you don’t make an effort at how you look, you have the best time. That’s also invariably where someone is there happy snapping with their camera and you look like absolute shit in the photo’s they tag you in on the book of face!

And lastly – when you ask the family what they would like for dinner. They all stare at you blankly and reply “ah whatever you make will be good”. So, you go ahead and cook what you think is a good one – and they moan! One thing I do love though – I get to decide every day what I would like that evening – guess that’s the one and only perk of cooking hey😊.

And that dear readers for this week – “is all she wrote”.

I hope the new year is treating you well. Remember keep safe, healthy and always be kind to you.

Till next week – thanks for loving my blog the way you do.

Mwah mwah.

First footnote of 2022: Thank you to my Skoon-dogter for the revamped very much photoshopped banner of me – I wish I really looked like this. Thank you I do love it. hugs always.

So, as I sit on my verandah on this warm, rainy Saturday morning the 31^st December I reflect on the year that wasn’t. It wasn’t all bad. It wasn’t awash with good, its wasn’t the year I traveled to exotic locations, it wasn’t the year I made millions, it wasn’t the year I became an influencer or even traveled locally via the skies. However, there were many blessings. The biggest blessing by far – it was the year I started my blog! And thanks to you dear, dear reader – because of your support, enthusiasm and kindness each blog I have published means the world to me. Writing my blog each week most certainly is me in my happy place – so thank you.

I am sure many of us will agree at times, we were close, in fact closer than we ever realized to that lethal bug, “that” virus, “that” one – you know the “one” I am talking about hey? The one that you didn’t even know existed (note that this is dripping, in fact drowning in sarcasm) until you started to feel slightly “odd” just kind of “out of sorts”. I am very sure we all had many “close shaves” – some had bad effects, others were lucky enough to have very mild symptoms and some to date have not had that dreaded bug. I will at this point admit I do believe I am closer to having hectic stomach ulcers than any chance of COVID! Oh, my giddy aunt. I just feel the hint of a twitchy nose and whamo I pop Flustat. Now dear reader, Flustat is a R19,90 pack of 20 tablets. Royal blue in colour. Let me tell you it sure wards off any and all flu symptoms. Now stomach ulcers? The jury is still out on that one! (It’s a pleasure Flustat don’t mention it – free advertising for you right here on Dizabeth’s blog! Hm maybe don’t get too excited until the jury is back on the ulcers part though!)

Some of our holiday snaps – Tide and the caveman at Sudwala

As the years have gone, I have had some real all fall down parties to see and wish the old/new year in and it would seem, as I have gotten older, some really quiet ones. So today I will share with you one or two of the younger, wilder, funnier side of old/new year with Dizabeth. I recall dancing until dawn to Ghost busters – the original movie – not the recent remake. (It was the days I would party all night and sleep all day – so was quite pale).  My friends and I dancing in a circle. I had this white dress on and remember dear reader I have mentioned my extremely “attractive” blue black hair (Blog 26: The Christmas fairy) not my punk days as such, however I do admit it was a close second to the punk era. (I know, I know dear reader I am cringing as I type this – but the facts are the facts, and I did it so I will own it – sigh sigh!) Also, in those days I wore my fair share of makeup – base/foundation  – plastered it on in fact. I wasn’t much of a sun worshipper in those days either so yip the pale, extremely pale base with the panda eyes. Yip you getting a picture I am pretty sure.  Oh, my giddy aunt – just having my own flash back I used to plaster on the base and as if that wasn’t enough, I would then lather the powder on! So, the effect was a young ghost type granny who had stuck her finger in a plug look with all that powder! Anyhow in that particular song I recall my friends forming a circle around me and every time they sang the word “Ghostbusters” yip dear reader you guessed, they all pointed at me! And me! Oh, my word I thought I was the best thing since slice bread. This pale punk electric shocked granny prancing around the dance floor while my friends chanted at her! They all resembled the Beach Boys “Californian girls” with their blonde flowing locks and their golden tans.

All the girls

God how I must have stood out! Like a frikken bright bulbous clown in a court case when the Jury has just delivered their final verdict! Then there was the old/new year – you know if I recall one very clear thing about Dizabeth and old/new year. She would buy a new outfit for this event! Maybe a fashion statement to bring in the new year? Who frikken knows what Dizabeth’s thoughts were back then. I can tell you these days frikken hell, I wouldn’t even consider buying a new blady pair of panties for the occasion never mind a whole blady new outfit! Mind you I was looking at my really beyond saving slippers earlier this morning – perhaps I should spoil myself and go get a pair – there is sure to be 50% sales all over now? Hm I like this thought Dizabeth – let’s do that! So, it’s first blog of 2022 and first digression of the many still to follow in the course of this year! Actually it isn’t the first – there was one a few paragraphs up (sigh!sigh). Anyhow, I recall, Alex and I were spending old/new year at every frikken jaunt we frequented throughout the year, from the Cattleman to Fat Franks and onto my couzi’s in Umhlanga. We would party up a storm every year. Yikes the hangovers we endured for the next week – never mind the next day! This particular year I had bought a royal blue (sjoe seems royal blue has a lot of interaction in my life!) so I bought this dress – I recall it cost me a fortune but dear reader it was one of those “had to have” dresses. It was off the shoulders, um tight, tiny waist and then flared out – in fact from the late 50’s early 60’s era. So, there I was – oh and if I recall I was a bit more on the Californian girls’ side – I had a – actually I can’t remember but the blue-black hair had been replaced by something more average and every day. What stands out very, very clearly is the fact that that dress was my “special occasion dress’ I kept it for years. No, no dear reader I never said I wore it I said I kept it!  So this year there you had dear Dizabeth totally smitten by her royal blue 50-60”s flary off the shoulder dress and what turned out to be a total freak-a-zoid idiot of a man which at that time I didn’t see this side of him! Now it is at this point I could dedicate the next three blogs to this idiot – but I will not waste my time nor yours – although sadly at this point dear Dizabeth was smitten and seriously couldn’t see the stupidty of the man. In fact, no he wasn’t stupid he was a narcissist and preyed on young innocent girls (hm ‘innocent’ Dizabeth?? Not so much). So, whilst myself and Alex planned our old/news party dearest Dizabeth tried her best to stop thinking of Mr Freak-o-zoid. But alas he consumed her every thought and all she could imagine was the magical evening she would share with Mr Freak-o-zoid. So, she canceled with her bestie buddy in favour of idiot (I have made plenty mistakes in my life – and this was one ☹)Oh my word! I can recall me spending frikken hours washing and blow drying my hair, putting on my make up – yip I am afraid to say it was still the “plastering it on” phase but not so much the panda eyes anymore. Eventually I heard the doorbell ring – I did flick flacks down the passage, soooooooooo excited to see my dearest handsome man of my dreams. I was alive with excitement and anticipation of what the old/new year held in store for us. I chitty chatted nonstop as he drove. I felt honoured that he had given up his evening to spend with ME! Each corner we turned I was excited at the prospect of where it would lead us! Well dear reader he drove us to his house! Ok so I was a tad disappointed but still decided to give him the benefit of the doubt – perhaps he would blindfold me and lead me into his house that would be filled with candles lit in every nook and cranny as romantic music filtered through the room. I casually breathed in to see if I could detect the hint of something yummy cooking. Nothing. Ok, still all good I thought to myself. He put on the TV – that “Dinner for one” – you know that blady black and white old comedy that screens on one of the channels every blady year!

“What would you like to drink?” I thought a glass of vino would set the ambiance – “I have water, coffee or tea?” well dear reader it was at this point that Dizabeth should most certainly have heard those frikken alarm bells that were actually sirens booming directly at her! But alas she didn’t. That frikken night – Mr Freak-0-zoid after watching “Dinner for one” – and making me a boiled egg! YIP you read correctly a blady boiled egg and only one at that! Bid me a “great evening as he was off to bed” – and no, no dear reader not “that type of bed” he meant the lights off, to bed to bed said sleepy head off to Dreamland I go’ type of bed. I sat in my off the shoulders, tight, tiny waist and flared out dress from the late 50’s early 60’s era – after consuming my single boiled egg and having a cup of tea I watched TV all alone as I heard the neighbours laughing, ching chinging glasses, watching fireworks and celebrating the new year in style. Of course, when Alex asked how my evening had been – well let’s just say I relayed a bit of a white lie. After all she had tried so hard to dissuade me from joining ol Narcissist Nick but of course – Dizabeth being Dizabeth – she knew better! Not!!!

When the kids came along, I recall we had many an old/new year with friends and family. I remember very fondly how I would phone my bestie Maureen every year, in those days we worked together and even then, we would phone each other every night and old/new year’s was no exception for us. Come 12 o clock we would always chitty chat. Mausie although we no longer do that (in all honesty I think it was the cost of cell phone bills and no longer having landlines that stopped that pleasure we shared, please know you are always in my thoughts and will always have a special place in my heart. May 2022 be the kindest and greatest to you and WK)

All the boys

Gary isn’t really the type that celebrates – he – hm I guess he has a point albeit a bit frustrating – he reckons that turning over of the calendar from one year to another – that last day is just another day. Now in truth the jury is still out for me here – but as we have got older, I have succumbed to his way – in fact this year on the neighbourhood watch group the next day there were heaps of photos of dogs and cats found and lost. I asked Gary “was it Beruit here last night?” he relayed it was – and dearest Dizabeth – she was fasto’s I never heard a single BOOM! I cannot say I miss those horrendous hangovers – why is it that on that particular night we tend (well Dizabeth did) to consume waaaaaayyyy more champers and vino than is necessary – perhaps actually it is the fact that we frikken trying to stay up to bring in the new year and shove the old one out the door?

It’s also been forever since I made a New Year’s resolution. I remember putting my whole energy into what I would or wouldn’t be doing in the coming year for frikken days before the time came. And did I ever stick to it – nope! And the guilt I would suffer when I didn’t stick to whatever it was – when those silent, secret doubts started creeping into my head – “Ah come on Dizabeth you deserve a cigarette” those demons that I fought!! My giddy aunt what a waste of energy. These days I try to live the life I deserve, to watch my weight and health as best I can – I don’t always get it right – in fact I don’t always get life right – but then I pick myself up, dust myself off and try all over again. And for me the most important thing in this hectic, scary world we currently humaning in – always, ALWAYS be kind to you – after all at the end of the day – it’s you you bid goodnight to and it’s you that you awaken to each morning – so damn it – be kind to yourself dear, dear reader.

How uber cute is this …. two of my absolutely favourites

May 2022 be realistic yet not too dramatic. May our hearts be mostly glad and not sad. Let us achieve our goals as we keep pure our souls. Let us always know we tried and forgive ourselves when we gave our best and remember there will always be tomorrow.

And for this week’s blog dear reader “that’s all she wrote”

Stay safe, healthy and be blessed.

Mwah mwah

PS: I was driving earlier and pondering on this week’s blog when I suddenly remembered how I first started with my mask. (aka base). I was working part-time at John Orrs (yip so back in the days of the Ark and Noah). I had a pimple and I will never forget I used “Yardley” base tester to cover it. I actually smeared my whole nose, yes, my whole frikken nose with base. I noticed customers giving me a look and then another look and then discreetly walking away! Bet to this day they thank goodness they walked away on that near fateful day. They could also have looked like a ghost gran. Quite a while later the Yardley lady looked at me and asked what was up with the nose? I thought it was quite an expert job I had done! Can you imagine it dear reader? This normal skin with its spits, spots and freckles on it – and then this perfectly perfect nose (these days they would think it weas a photo shopped schnooz)!! I will say no more! But yes, it did commence the addiction to base.

I realise not everyone is as enthusiastic about the Christmas season and all those overly fat men dressed in red that are bobbling along and saying “Ho Ho Ho” repeatedly as they laugh, as I am. In all honesty for me it’s really the vibe I love (that as well as the fat men together with the colour red!) Interesting question, whilst on the overly fat men dressed in red. I wonder what the heck they are laughing at. I do need to add at this point, I understand that feeling when you walk out the shop and your credit card is less than it was when you walked into the blady shop – I ask in all seriousness how do you carry on with a Ho!Ho!Ho! Although saying that, when it comes to our loved ones, we all do go the extra mile. So today I am going to share some of my extra mile moments.

The overly fat merry man will all love to love. Be it Santa or Father Christmas.

The other day Gary and I were in a shop and saw lucky packets. Now I am not sure, hmm I don’t think it is a lucky “packet” as such. It’s that box, remember you get the boy one and the girl one.  Bright red has reindeers and that overly fat man dressed in red all over it. Well, the memory flooded back, I saw myself as a little girl, I felt the thrill and excitement of the day my mom (actually, I think it was my gran?) We caught the bus into town to (yip was definitely my gran!) Greenacres to join the other boys and girls meet Father Christmas (Santa? Who frikken knows – I never know what you supposed to say as when I say Santa, I can imagine Sol Kerzner, remember when he would start a conversation with an American accent and then it would become a South African accent!!) Anyhow, I remember that – do you remember the fairy that would come and collect you and take you to that overly fat man dressed in red. Now, this is also a bit hazy. Did you walk to him with the fairy? I am so sure that you went on a little train – through Toyland etc., Who has a clearer memory than me? Shucks I do recall as clear as day, my dad had his own company. I doubt I would have “happily” volunteered for this? But someone dressed up as Santa – hmmmm now who was that? But anyhow I remember I was the fairy. I can remember (vaguely) being so frikken disinterested although I am sure there was a vested interest in being the fairy – probably got paid by dad! I went through a phase where I had short, I am gonna throw myself under the bus here – punk hairdo short and spikey and heavy, heavy eye liner. My God I bet the parents battled to get the kids to sleep after that fairy visited – shit they must have thought they had stepped into a 101 Dalmations – minus the Dalmations and only Cruela DeVil was there (yip that being me!) Anyhow, back to Christmas shopping.

Dizabeth – The Christmas fairy NOT!

I do keep wondering to myself – what will we get in future years for our little chap Tide? He is only 2 and half and this year in particular – nope just thinking back – we did it last year as well. We buy him stuff that is a bit too advanced – last year we bought him a biycle. No, not a TRIcycle. Hm good question? I think there were training wheels – cannot remember.  I do remember though it was in the box and Gary and I – we frikken bought him a pink one! So, yip the hassles they must have had taking it back – joining the queue with those that are swopping out their presents that they were “oohhhhin and aahhing about as they unwrapped it” Oh my word – this is GORGEOUS AND JUST what I wanted” (Yeah right!) As they casually look all over hoping that the price is still on it – or somewhere on it there is a hint of where it was bought. This year we have bought him a trainset, a scale electric and various little toys. I know right! By the time he is 21 we will be buying him his own country! Hm now there’s a good idea – and when we do, obviously Nan will of course go live with him wherever it may be.

I do believe as I mentioned earlier, we may not have the biggest amount of cash in the bank but when it comes to our children, we all do try go the extra mile. I recall as a little girl my folks would always buy a few little gifts for us to open and then the present from Santa (Father Christmas??) was the last one. Some of my Santa (ok going forward in this blog it’s easier to type Santa so Santa it is😊) presents that I totally loved were a set of roller skates, remember the ones with the wheels and you would wear your shoes and slip the roller skates over them and then strap them on. You could adjust them to your shoe size. They were so cumbersome and cluckerty cluck (remember my mom thinking one of the Gods she had read about was visiting her: Blog 4 Fantastical Fantasy). Another favourite was the character from Noddy – it is no longer called what it was back then but oh my word I loved my gollywog so much. I recall him with such fondness. I remember I always wished for but never received a ragdoll. To this day I always take a minute more just to look at them in the shops. As I matured, I have been blessed with some amazing presents. One Christmas I remember Gary bought me a beautiful gold locket. I left it on the mantlepiece as we were all swimming and when I came to get it a little later – “someone” had obviously tried to see if it was 9ct gold and had bitten into it! Family! To this day I know exactly whom that horrid person was. Gary’s dad would always play Father Christmas – it was his role to read out the gift tag as it was handed over to the person. I will never forget the first year – it became a bit stale in the years that followed if I am honest as every year Gary did the same – he wrote on my card “To my bitchen from hell….” Well Gary’s dad needless to say could hardly breathe he was laughing so much as he read it out! Now dear readers we all know what a true delight I am – so it really was an unfair reflection of his beloved wife – don’t you agree!

Anyhow huge digression there Dizabeth – let’s get back to Christmas for the boys. I would always – until Ryan clearly outgrew this. I would lather (ruined) baby powder on Gary’s work shoes making footprints of Father Christmas (really Dizabeth in that humid sweltering heat of Durban! It would have been waaaaaay more realistic if I had just chucked puddles of water from the front door to the Christmas tree. The result, Ryan came stumbling through still sleepy and asked, “Who spilt baby powder everywhere?” (WTF!) Sadly, these days the only thing I use baby powder on is between my frikken thighs in the summer heat!!!

So, there was the year Chad was HUGELY into the ah shucks man – ahhhh that is it – The Telly Tubbies. He in particular loved the red one, Po – we got it for him for Christmas – and I swear to this day we have NO idea where it went – it was opened – loved for half a second before he ripped open his next present – and that was the sum total of him (Po) – he mysteriously disappeared. Hm the mysteries of Christmas Day’s past – who bit into Dizabeth’s gold locket? Who stole Po? Tune in next Christmas …..

Po – Telly Tubbies

Now Ryan he loved surfing – yip – you guessed, as you know we have never been the richest family to ever walk the earth! So, when Ryan wrote to Santa asking for a surfboard – we were a tad stressed. As much as we tried to sway his decision, he was adamant – a surfboard it was to be! Obviously never wanting to disappoint, Gary and I trawled – yip wait for this dear reader – we were that poor – we visited all the second hand surf shops! And we found one! Now I can still visualize this blady thing – yip “thing” oh my giddy aunt – it was frikken bashed and really, really tired! But we were chuffed – I can remember wrapping it – I would love to have been in Ryan’s thoughts that morning as he unwrapped this dilapidated surfboard; shame man – but sure as nuts – we took him to the beach, and it did the trick. Sjoe I can still see it though – my word it was sooooo tired!

I seriously am hitting a blank this morning – I cannot remember other Christmas favourites of the boys. I do know thought that each and every year we delivered what they had written to Santa asking for. It really was quite hectic for us – I recall as I have mentioned before we really tried and then there were other members of the family – my giddy aunt it was so totally, totally unnecessary – I remember dear reader the final year, the year we held up and waved our white flat and said “eeeeeeeeenough!”  – shucks it was probably the same year we proudly waited with bated breath as Ryan unwrapped his tired, dilapidated surfboard and as we tied up all the ripped wrapping paper I recall the boys cousins would receive that “wow” present! You know that one that just blew you, as a parent out the blady water. The one that made me think – “That’s me – time out! Timmmmmeeee blady out!”  The Trump card present so to speak – and that year both cousins received a Blackberry (yip that’s right – the cell phone – certainly not, as much as I had prayed it was the fruit – nope it was indeed the blady cellphone!) that was the final cherry on Dizabeth’s Christmas cake – the next year and all Christmases after that – we would only join the cousins after the present unwrapping ceremony had occurred. It wasn’t ever about sour grapes it was just so disheartening when you as a parent had tried your frikken best and there were the blady in laws with their fancy assed gifts!

This year I made various table decorations for my friends – no fancy assed presents! BUT made with heaps of love.  

This year we have our little Tide with us, we are very excited to see what Santa has delivered for him. I can assure you there are definitely no Blackberries nor Samsung’s. Nope just regular kids’ fun stuff – toys, toys and then more toys. Also, this year, the first time ever Chad will be across far away seas in the USA. Through the years, its almost as if it has been a time for him to learn that Christmas can be “just another day” if need be. Previous years he hasn’t been able to celebrate Christmas for various reasons – the one he had a shoulder op and was so doped up, another time he was working and this year he will have just started his contract at a golf estate in Florida, USA – but we certainly will raise a glass and cheer to him. Also, I will raise my glass to three extremely, extremely special friends in my life – Julie, Alex and Steven – this Christmas I raise my glass to you.

This nan sure is having heaps of fun coming up with ideas each evening as to what Elfie got up to whilst Tide was fasto’s (asleep). I am not entirely sure he is understanding the whole concept of Elfie – but never the less Nan sure is having heaps of fun – oh and good practice for the years to come when he is sure to understand the difference between being Naughty or nice and knowing that Santa is spying on him😊 Thanks dear, dear reader for your support, love, enthusiasm this year with my blog. May I take this opportunity of wishing each and every one of you a wonderful Holiday season and for those that are working – it hopefully will be quieter (eish not in the medical field☹) But know I am holding thumbs it is a little more restful even though you will be working. No matter where you are – know you are loved and remember to always be kind to you.

Take care

Merriest of Christmases to you and your specials.   Mwah mwah

With just over a week to go to Christmas, I was on the brink of booking a therapy session for myself, because I have not received a single Christmas card in the post this year. I pondered about years gone by, when my folks and then us had that piece of wool (preferably red) tied from one side of the fireplace – no wait a minute, that would be in a Christmas Hallmark movie. We (in the real world) would tie it (the red wool) from one nail on the wall – no wait, it was pictures on the wall that we tied the wool to, now that I recall. I remember the curtain thingy that “box thing’ that hide where the curtain hung from – that was very useful for Easter –shucks ask my sister about that! Displaying her beautiful, uneaten easter eggs up there for me to salivate over! (Blog 4 – Fantastical Fantasy) and then the pictures on the wall useful for Christmas time. Anyhow, I don’t know why I am expecting a whole heap of Christmas cards when, I in fact have only sent one. And that was because a friend of mine was sending a parcel to this special person and so I took the opportunity of slipping my Christmas card into the parcel. Thanks Lynn😊.  

My old school report.

Remember back in the day, it would have to be at least a month before Christmas, buying the pack of Christmas cards. Even back then they were expensive, old cheap skate me – I recall buying them on special – and they were flimsy, definitely not quality – and then you would need to stop at the post office (what is a post office I hear you ask). Hm, well it used to be a building where you could purchase stamps, money orders, and post letters. Oh yes you could even have photocopies made and get documents certified by the Postmaster and now, we have exactly one remaining here in Nellies. But I guess before I rant on about how the whole system is collapsing, I should hazard a guess as to why. What’s apps, emails, and, and, and …. so, apologies for my “almost” rant there. I think perhaps it could be that our dearest post offices are almost null and void. Although hmm what about parcels? They still get sent. Yip I recently received a slip in my – ok no, it was not in my post box as I don’t even have a postbox it was in fact lying on my driveway. I ordered a book.

Fun fact: if you ever looking for a book and cannot find it anywhere try Book Depository – they in the UK. You order the book, and they post it to you.

 The first time I never received it, so typical me I complained. They re-sent it and yay yay yayyest I did get and read it😊 (stating the obvious here dear Dizabeth!) So, digressing again! Ok, back to the Christmas cards. I recall writing, oh wait firstly you made a list and then you would write the cards. Tick each one off. I remember I never used to stick to just wishing them a Blessed Christmas and a successful new year. Nope, in true Dizabeth style I would write my life story on that left hand side of the card. You know the blank side? I recall the first card it was so neat, beautifully written, the last card resembled a spider had walked across the card. Plus being left-handed if I used a smudgy pen – yip you can visualize it! Then it would be sticking the postage stamps on – and after all that effort, it was posting them! I would take the time to buy them, make the list, write them out and then – yip they would sit and sit and sit waiting to be posted. I reckon some years I never even posted them! I mean why the heck go to all that effort for them to sit on the table right by the front door, so you remember to post them – and then you don’t! “Ah ….” I hear you saying, “then you can post them next year”. Nope because during the year, they casually move from that table at the front door to a desk and eventually a drawer somewhere, and you find them years later when you either spring cleaning or maybe even moving! Also in my case, that book I wrote to you last year, all that news has changed in the year hasn’t it!

Since we about cards though – there are a variety of cards at this time of the year that are “floating around”. One I recall – not that fondly if I am honest – the report card. Yip that dreaded (well always in my case!) report card. The one that follows up on all the cycle cards you amended before you presented it to your parents to sign before taking it back to school during the year. The one where I received an F for Biology and changed it to a B. The one where your teacher has a record of the true results and at the end of the year instead of just an F – there is a big red circle around it. And no, it is not because it is the Christmas season, and she is drawing a little Christmas wreath around your mark! My mom and dad were truly stymied because “during the year you did so well Dizabeth, what went wrong my girlie?” Lucky for me it was always blady Biology I failed – never one of the language subjects where that little Christmas wreath had an additional meaning to it – it meant that the following year – you in fact would be repeating this year! Another thing – what about the blady comments that were right there next to the mark with the Christmas wreath around it? And the teacher signed it nogal!! “Elizabeth is erratic and talks too much” “Disappointing result Elizabeth” “Elizabeth needs to try harder next year”. Although I don’t really know how I aced it but at the bottom of said report – each year I did have “Promoted to standard …..” so there you go it wasn’t all bad news! And my folks – yes initially they were disappointed but probably because it was “the season to be jolly” they soon forgot about the dismal report their dear Dizabeth had received.

Promoted to Standard 10.

And the last card we shall chat about today – drum roll dramatic music – our credit cards! How easy is it to have Christmas every month! I thought I was doing pretty well with mine last month. Every time I spend it gives me the balance. Oh well Dizabeth you looking swell Dolly – I can tell Dolly you still glowing you still …..(who knows that little line? It’s from the old musical Hello Dolly back in the day with Barbara Streisand and Louis Armstrong) erm not (doing well on the credit card balance dear reader)! I never realized that the balance – well there are more than one number it comes from! So, yip last month I was happily, and I mean………. H-A-P-P-I-L-Y swiping the ol’ plastic and not realizing just how much additional debt I was incurring. So, when you ask me to join you for coffee for the remainder of this month – and I reply “Ah I would love to, but I am busy then” please realise that “busy” is code for “broke” – lucky for me I just got in there with Gary’s gift! Jokes aside dear reader – it was an uber close shave to Gary getting one of those home-made vouchers. You know the one I am talking about? Handwritten in my tidy to spider scrawl handwriting “This voucher entitles you to a back rub, foot tickle”, in Gary’s case – a frikken back scratch. No jokes – it infuriates me – I will be in my horizontal position – imitating a sloth and he will come and sit in front of me – I kid you not in front of me so yes, blocking my view of the television – and that indicates dear reader his back is itchy, and I must please scratch it!! Nope he doesn’t say a word – just sits there!

And on that scratchy note I am all scratched out for this week. As Tam says, “That was all she wrote”.

Don’t be too harsh if your kiddies bring home a report card similar to that of Dizabeth – remember it IS the season to be Jolly! If you have not posted those Christmas cards and you have not written life stories in them keep them for next year. And as I always remind you to be kind to yourself – also remember – be kind to your credit card as you sure going to need to lean on her next month.

And there we have that red circled Christmas wreath

Take care, stay safe and healthy. Thanks for all your love, encouragement. Love you all. Mwah Mwah

None of us ever imagined (or frikken wished) for COVID. And here we are what is it two and half or there about years later? Still wearing masks not recognizing people (in some cases I think people do recognize one another and use the mask as an excuse as to why they didn’t recognize you) …what? Me! No, jolly gosh never, I don’t do that! I can recall as clear as day the night I was once again lying horizontally on the couch simulating the movements of a sloth as I watched whatever “crap” as Gary (and after his recent stay Chad!) like to call it. Pam, I know her hubby says the – shucks cannot remember what term he uses now – but let’s put it this way – both hubbies certainly do not use an endearing term. When Chad was here – Ok I am gonna come out with it as you all know I love YOU magazine so I guess that does hint a certain amount of what I would enjoy television wise hey? So, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am “addicted” but since it is on every night at the set time, I happen to be perched on the couch and I watch “Legacy”. I know right! How good is it – absobladalutely hey frikken move over Showtime/HBO (erm…NOT!) riveting stuff locally produced and world class acting standards of course (not)! So Chad comes in and comments how he cannot believe the crap I still watch and at this point Michelle Botes is on the screen and he mentions that she used to be in Egoli. To which I replied “No way! Really boy?” “Yip mom how can you not remember her from Egoli?” to which I emphatically replied, I didn’t watch it – well, long story short – seems I did indeed! I know embarrassing but well I will concede defeat dear reader. Now this was a total digression from the point I was getting at it in the beginning of this conversation. I was lying reminiscent of a sloth all those months ago and Gary casually mentioned “Some guy ate a bat and has died” he said it with not much concern and me, well I answered with zero concern. And now look at where we are! Whether it was in fact a bat or man himself that created or did not create this pandemic who knows where it is from but let’s face it – it certainly isn’t going to change the various effects it has had on all of us thus far!

And there you have me! God I wish! I could NEVER balance on a branch like this chap.

Thanks to Facebook we can keep track of our life path thus far. This week 4 years ago myself, Jacks, Michelle and Cheryl were visiting Marcel for her 40th.

PS: Happy Birthday for the 9th Marcel (who in fact does not read – never mind reading my blog!)

Who would have imagined four years later I would be spending this week with Chad before he heads off for the USA.  Life: at times wonderous, challenging, fun, hectic, sad. A pinch of salt in the huge ocean of words that describe this thing we call life. At this point though I do need to mention what with the tumultuous waves (no, no this wasn’t meant to be a pun not meaning COVID at all – but hmmm pretty fitting so I am going to leave it in!) So those waves I was mentioning, Chad was going to visit us before he left. I did flick flacks all over Nelspruit and mentioned it to blady strangers in the SPAR. Until it changed and he wasn’t so I was incredibly bleak. The next day nope he was on his way – in fact he was driving – there I went again – flick flacking all around the house this time and not mentioning a word to anyone in the SPAR! But chatting to God quietly big time! Counting the days till he arrived home. Then his car broke down – so he was no longer coming. Oh my giddy aunt! The emotional roller coaster I was on – I know! I know dramatic much Dizabeth? But yip you all know me – can be over, blady, board, dramatic and that I most surely was! So, he finally arrived. I was over the moon. We all were.

One of the many meals – this one – oxtail – our Christmas dinner evening.

That first evening he was home it was black Friday, so I booked a “movie special” shucks and what a movie special it was. Ster Kinekor movie (usually over the blady top expensive don’t you think?) and popcorn and Canada Dry (cooldrink) R50! Good hey! So, we off to the movies. We are standing in the line for our popcorn when Chad received an sms that let him pop his own frikken corn. Bam! Just like that South Africa was persona non grata ! Borders closed yip you guessed America being one! Now if you ask me, did I enjoy the movie? I would have to say from what I saw it seemed good. However, with the news that Chad had received his flight for the next Wednesday canceled, you can imagine how it certainly wasn’t the best idea to set foot into the movie house and watch the movie! And this dear readers occurred twice! Going forward I am going to check that all is clear in my life when next I book a movie ticket! Chad and I have always loved movies – not the usual Netflix and chill – although yip we do enjoy those. But rather the actual movie houses! That ginormous screen the surround around sound – and for me first prize – no one I mean no one is asking me where the toilet rolls are kept (yip they just guests in their own home and tend to ask house keeping when they need something!) or if the kettle has boiled or do I know where such and such is as they stand there looking forlorn! Nope, none of that in those big ass movie houses! That is until – whamo – no jokes – no blady jokes at all. We had just sat down – mind you I say that no one interrupts you – but whom of you have been to movies and fellow frikken patrons – they are on their phones yip I kid you not – either on an actual call – or on what’s app – so if you do need the loo you most certainly don’t have to worry about the blady darkness as their screens light up the whole frikken cinema! Oh and that call they on – well their voices – also surround around sound! I swear so many times I have wanted to step out the cinema to report them, but it would seem to be pointless as no one really cares and all that would happen – I would miss the whole plot of the movie whilst I searched for someone who did give a continental as to why I was actually lodging a complaint! So, another major digression there! So, as I am rambling on as I always do, just to be clear dear reader, the first movie was the canceling of the flight this was the second movie. Chad and I were heading into the cinema when I turned around and it was just little ol’ me Chad nowhere to be seen. I knew he obviously had received a call. So as the movie commenced, I sat pondering this or that – I can’t say I missed the whole plot of the movie as it wasn’t a who dunn it – but I was distracted – anyhow when Chad sat down – he whispered that the call was the agency – he would be flying out on Monday! Well, this dear reader is when I did well and truly lose total focus on the movie as my mind steamed ahead of all I would need to do – and no jokes at all I was pondering big time on what I intended to still cook before my boy flew! Now I must mention Gary hasn’t eaten this well in the past two years – I cooked everything I knew Chad loved, and then I cooked his second and third favourites! When he left on Sunday I was still wrapping little food parcels for him to take for the trip to the airport as we headed out the front door. (Like there isn’t a single garage shop on the way!)

Why did I include this – nah I know you know what a cinema looks like – this is for effect.

I was adamant I had to buy him a little gift – my mind raced ahead – and now – thinking back (too late as he has gone!) I can think of a thousand useful things I could have bought him. Like a travel pillow and what did I frikken buy – a shirt! Yip a shirt! Anyhow hopefully every time he wears it – he will think of his mama bear back home.

So in-between movies that were interrupted, cooking and buying shirts I just wallowed in the fact that my boy was home. It was lovely. The not soo lovely part – I bought him a sweetie pie and some Chuckles that I placed on his pillow the day he arrived home – a little welcome and sweet spoil as I know it is something he wouldn’t buy himself. Well, turns out it was something he wouldn’t eat either – so yup whilst I have been consoling myself guess what happened to the sweetie pie and Chuckles! What really touched my heart?  Our fur babies – Rosie and Bandit love, love, ADORE riding in the car. One day after gym – that sweet child of mine (Guns n Roses – who can hear it belting out right now as you read this – love that song!) even took the fur babies for a drive around the block. How adorable is that!

These two adore – absobladalutely love the car!

The two movies we went to see for those wondering – they were both based on true stories (my absolute best!) King Richard – the story of the Williams sisters – Serena and Venus and The House of Gucci. From what I did see – both are worth all the interruptions of fellow patrons on their phones! It is at this point talking about disruptions in movie houses. I read in the paper last night. A movie crit paid over R500 for the popcorn, chewing gum and Canada Dry to see House of Gucci – and….ta da ….this awesome country we live in – yip dear reader – you have guessed – Load shedding. And can you believe you don’t get a refund! How hectic is that!!!

And that dear readers was the week that was. Chad is quarantining in a fancy assed hotel in Nairobi their national park (Game reserve?) is across the road from their hotel – so whilst he enjoys his quarantine and counts the sleeps till he is in the USA this mama bear thanks God for his expected/unexpected/expected/unexpected visit home and I am counting my own sleeps until I am definitely expecting Ryan, Michelle and our precious little Tide. All my Santas are on display, the Christmas tree and décor are all up and ready for our precious little chap. Cant wait!

Till next week. As Tam from The Block said: “That’s all she wrote” (how good am I – remembering this little titbit each week!)😊 Stay safe, healthy and always be kind to yourself.  Mwah mwah.

Rosie in her element